During these trying times, I need to remember my happy song – and the lyrics have never been more fitting…

<a href=”http://www.youtube.com/v/90KyZ1GbJGI&rel=0″ target=”_blank”>http://www.youtube.com/v/90KyZ1GbJGI&rel=0</a>

Life, it’s ever so strange
It’s so full of change
You think that you’ve worked it out
Then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
And then you

Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don’t you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It’ll take you round and round
Sometimes you’re up
Sometimes you’re down
It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
Don’t be scared
Don’t hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don’t forget it’s just a ride

Truth, we don’t wanna hear
It’s too much to take
Don’t like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don’t go
Our way we

Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don’t you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It’ll take you round and round
Sometimes you’re up
Sometimes you’re down
It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
Don’t be scared
Don’t hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don’t forget it’s just a ride

Slowly, oh so very slowly
Accept that
There’s no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
Coz this ride’s, never gonna stop

Breakdown
Don’t you breakdown
No need to breakdown
No need at all
Because

It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It’ll take you all around
Sometimes you’re up
Sometimes you’re down
It’s just a ride, it’s just a ride
Don’t be scared now
Dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don’t forget enjoy the ride

thehealthymom is a wreck. For dad, the ERCP tomorrow is a no go. Possible cancer. Options went from surgery to hospice care. I’m not handling this well.10:38 PM
May 20th from TweetDeck

Late Wednesday night they said they wouldn’t be able to do the procedure because he had a fever and he was so very weak.

We spent most of the day on Thursday thinking he would be gone soon. I visited him around lunch time on Thursday and brought some get well cards that the boys had made for him. I read them to him, and gave him some ice chips, and then let him rest. He was very, very weak and looked so unhealthy.

After I left, I met Doug at Buena Vista for Zander’s kindergarten transition/graduation ceremony.

thehealthymom’s father in law needs to have a procedure he may not survive, but he most certainly won’t without it. Heading back to the hospital now.
2:21 PM May 21st from TweetDeck

Then suddenly on Thursday afternoon, Georgiana called and said that the doctors wanted to go ahead with the ERCP procedure. They said that he may not survive the procedure, but that he could not live longer without doing it.

So I called my dad, he came over to watch the boys, and Doug and I picked up his mom and took her to the hospital. We met with Georgiana there and Greg and his daughter Jessica were on their way down from Ft Collins. Normally, he is only allowed 2 visitors in the ICU. But since this was a “special occasion” (ie, he might die) they let us all come in to his room to be with him before the procedure.

THANKFULLY, it was a very short procedure. 20 minutes for the actual ERCP and then another 30 minutes in recovery before we could see him. They cleared out the blockage in his bile duct and it’s kept open with a stent. OMG – he must have been suffering for a long time. They said his duct was COMPLETELY blocked. They released 300 cc of bile that had been built up due to the blockage. They intubated him for the procedure, and decided to keep him intubated afterwards while his lungs cleared. They took tissue from several places for a biopsy. A likely diagnosis would be that the blockage was caused by a malignant tumor.

thehealthymom is relieved that dad’s procedure went well. We’ll get biopsy results in the morning
6:46 PM May 21st from vlingo

We spoke with both the anesthesiologist and the surgeon who performed the procedure. They both said that dad did well. And although he is still very, very, very sick, he will be more comfortable now.

We all went out to dinner together at Appleby’s. Even mom had a margarita.

Friday morning, we got an update from Georgiana. She said that Dad was still intubated, but his color was good and he was more alert.

thehealthymomgot to talk with dad in the ICU – he’s off the ventilator + looks more like himself. No biopsy results today.
5:05 PM May 21st from vlingo

On Friday afternoon, Doug and I visited dad together. We were pleasantly surprised to find that the breathing tube was removed. And even happier to hear dad talking with us, seeming much more like himself. What a relief.

I’m so relieved that he might actually get the chance to go home (with hospice care) and the boys might be able to see him more normally and get a chance to say some form of good-bye to him.

I’m still really struggling with what losing him will affect the boys. No matter what, it’s going to be hard on them, but I just don’t want it to be any more difficult than it has to be.

At this point, our best hope is that he will be well enough to come home with hospice care, so he doesn’t have to be in the hospital.

Please continue to keep him – and the family – in your thoughts/prayers.

So, it’s been quite a day today. Last night, my mother-in-law, Gaynell, called to say that my father-in-law, George, had been admitted to the hospital. Late the night before, his pain level was quite high, and they went to his doctor in the morning. The doctor told him to go to the emergency room.

After he was admitted, Mom said that they were going to do surgery the next morning, and that it was gall bladder and kidney related.

Doug and I went to the hospital today to visit Dad, thinking it was going to be some routine procedure and that Dad would be better soon.

When we got there, it turned out Dad’s blood pressure had been dropping since 1 AM. His systolic pressure had gotten as low as 62 (normal is about 115) and was currently at 83. They were pushing fluids and took him off morphine to get his blood pressure up and stabilized.

The surgery that Mom mentioned was actually a procedure called ERCP, which involves dad swallowing an endoscope which would give the doctors a view to see any blockages near the liver/gall bladder/pancreas. In all likelihood, his pain was being caused by gallstones, among other possibilities.

But they can’t do the procedure until his blood pressure is closer to normal and stabilized. They told us that he would likely be in the ICU that afternoon.

We also found out that Dad signed a DNR – and with his blood pressure so low, it was very possible that he could get into a resuscitation situation. I spoke with my sister-in-law, Georgiana, to see if there was any way we could talk him out of it. But he’s adamantly sticking to it.

This news was a blow to me. I could understand it if he was diagnosed as terminally ill, but right now, he isn’t.

Around 3 PM, we found out that his systolic pressure was slightly higher, now 87, and that they would schedule the ERCP for the morning.

Around 6 PM, we were told that he wouldn’t have to go to the ICU, but to critical care.

At 7:30 PM, we found out he was actually moved to the ICU. And that he weighed a shocking 88 lbs.

This day has been so emotionally draining for me, but I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for my mother in law. They truly are like another set of parents to me.

My mom, who is an RN at Penrose, where my FIL is now, went on her day off to the hospital to support my in-laws. She rocks!

The boys know that grandpa is sick and in the hospital, but that is the extent of it. They usually spend Wed/Fri afternoons at grandma & grandpa’s house. Today I was able to distract them with a playdate at the park and a preview event at the zoo. But I did have to tell them that they would probably not go to their grandparents’ house on Friday.

“You mean we don’t get to go there at all this whole week?!” Zevan complained.

The boys made him get well cards, and Zander’s said “Get well soon grandpa because we want to come over.”

My heart is just aching. I’m not ready for this. I’m going to keep believing that he will stabilize and that the ERCP will help alleviate the pain and get us to a course of treatment to help him get better. I will work on preparing for other outcomes, but I want to stay hopeful that he will be back on his feet.

I’m so emotionally overwhelmed at this point. I just wasn’t expecting it.

Doug’s trying to comfort me because I keep randomly bursting into tears, and I’m feeling guilty about that because I’m supposed to be comforting him!

Please send positive thoughts/energies/prayers for his health. I think it really does help.

So, I am a total WordPress girl now. Every site I create now starts with WordPress. And I’m in the process of converting a good number of current clients, whose pages have been handcoded HTML until now, to WordPress.

And for shopping carts, I’m all about Mal’s shopping cart. It’s free, it has great features, and it has its own secure server.

Now I’m trying to find a way to get these two services together.

I did find a WordPress/Mals Shopping Cart plug-in in progress, which looks like it can do the trick when you are starting from scratch and can enter each product individually.

But, I do have one client whose inventory changes every 6 weeks. And it’s hundreds of products each time.

Currently, I am using a heavily customized Photoshop Web Photo Gallery that generates the Mals’ code from the file name. My client puts the prices on the images themselves, so I only have to change the product description when I generate the Add to Cart button code. The rest (the user id, qty, etc stays the same).

It seems like it would be simple enough to generate that code as you would a caption. So I’ve been researching all morning, trying to find the best plug in to try my hand at customzing to make this work.

Right now I’m looking at AWSOM PixGallery Version 4.5.7. Or possibly NextGen Gallery.

I haven’t done any actual coding this morning, just research. And my brain hurts. Time to break for a late lunch at Wild Ginger and cleanse my mind with a funny mystery book….

Zevan turned five this past Saturday. FIVE.

We had a really nice, small family party on Saturday. And then on Sunday, we had a swimming party at the Aquatic Fitness Center. The day was GORGEOUS. After the party, we walked to the park near Prospect Lake with the Ruch family. It was really a nice day.

I’ve been struggling with this new phase of motherhood. Now I’ve got ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AGE kids. Infant, toddler, preschooler, no more.

Unlike some in my position, I am in no way interested in having any more children to get that feeling again. NO, thank you. I’m just nostalgic for my boys during those stages. This transition is especially hard now knowing that we are moving to a new building next year for school.

On Monday, Zevan had his birthday walk at school. And afterwards, Miss Paula said that since Zevan was now 5 years old, he could start going to Specials (PE, Music, Art) with the kindergarteners. Zevan was SO excited! And to add to his excitement, nearly all his specials have Zander in class with him. Bonus!

Every day since then, he has reported to me which special he attended and what they did.

When I took him to school today, there was a note on the door that they were going to take a picture of the whole school – students, teachers, etc.

I thought about it on the way back to my car, and I suddenly felt very sad. I had been so focused on making sure that they had a Montessori program, and was thrilled that the program would stay open, even though it was a different location. But today, I felt an *ache* in my heart that we would be leaving this building – where Zander had spent his first 3 years, and Zevan had spent his first 2 years, of school. Where they learned to read. And add. And made so many friends. I’m really going to miss it.

After my day with Candy and the spa visit, I headed home. The boys came home later than usual, but no less energetic.

As we got ready for bed, Zevan reported, “Mom, it was music today. And I was singing the songs.”

And I asked him what song it was, but he couldn’t remember. So Zander tried to jog him memory by reciting some lyrics. Then they started singing together.

It was to the tune of “You’re A Grand Old School.”

Something like-
You’re a grand old school
You’re an outstanding school
and forever with peace may you stay
You’re the model of
The school I love
The home of the children of our day
Every heart beats true
for the heroes of our school
…something, something…
But should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your eye on our grand old school.

I need to ask the boys to sing it again tomorrow.

I got very emotional thinking that they were learning this song to say farewell to their school.

*sniff*

If they sing that on the last day of school, there will not be a dry eye in the house.

:snicker:

So, you know that Facebook phenomenon where one posts a picture of cartoon characters with different stereotypical traits (clown, jock, princess), and then tags that photo with names of friends who possess those traits?

My last two friends tagged me as the “jock.”

Huh? Me?

For me, the word initially conjures images of brutish boys with low IQs and letterman jackets. But then, I think. Oh – like an athlete. Someone who participates in sports.

After the Ascent, Disney World Marathon and Disneyland Half Marathon, I still never considered myself an “athlete.”

Yet here I am training for my first triathlon. Along with weekly trips to the climbing gym.

So I’ll take the “jock” label for the first time in my life.

And with it came my first strained muscle.

I went for a ride on Monday morning, and the weather was cool, but clear. So I planned to do a 16 mile ride. 2 miles into the ride, it started to snow. I went another mile and it was really coming down. The wind was biting and the snow was accumulating on the chest of my fleece. By mile 4, my toes were numb. I was heading back to my car, and I was miserable.

Right after the ride, my legs felt stiff and cramped. I got home, warmed up and worked for a good part of the day. The whole time my left calf ached, and I was thinking it was a cramp that I needed to work out. I was walking on my toes because I was unable to put my heel to the ground without a very sharp strong pain shooting up my leg. That evening, as we watched tv, I tried massaging it and it was incredibly tender to the touch.

The next day, I got an appt at Great Moves PT. Jessica wasn’t available so I saw Emily. Her diagnosis was quick – a torn gastrocnemius – strained calf muscle. She was very apologetic about my injury. When I asked how long it would take, she hesitated and said it was hard to say.

The thought of not being able to do the triathlon was deeply disappointing. She worked on my calf with light massage and Biofreeze. She suggested that I see an orthopedic doctor to determine the severity. While I iced my calf, I made an appt. She asked me to stay off of it for another day or two.

I asked if I could swim that day. She looked dubious. So I promised to completely rest it for a couple of days.

Today I saw Dr. Mahony, who is orthopedic doctor/surgeon for the CC Tigers. He was recommended to me by a friend. His offices are filled with sports paraphernalia signed by his patients.

He is a super nice doc, and when he checked me out, he did a couple of squeezes and pokes. He then looked concerned. When he pressed on my inner thigh, I winced in surprise. The other side did not elicit the same response. He called the tech in and asked that I immediately have an ultrasound to determine if I had a blood clot in my leg. All of a sudden, I felt nervous. She called to the lab and they said they would fit me in, but it could take a while..

So I went down, returned some client calls, got registered, and went out to the lobby and got some lunch. Just as I finished, they called me back for my u/s. It was pretty interesting watching her view and listen to the blood flowing through the veins/arteries in my leg.

And it turned out that I don’t have a blood clot. Whew! I went back up to Dr. Mahony.

He said it would take about 6 weeks to heal. I balked. I have a race in 5 weeks. He said that it wouldn’t be dangerous, but it would probably be painful. And if the race was important to me, I could do it. But I would have to suck it up about the pain. He said to keep working on swimming and biking. And I could start stretching my calf again next week and ease back into running with a shorter stride.

So, now I’m trying to figure out what to do.

…my best friend May got a full time job! My running, climbing, work-out partner and fellow geekspeak coder best friend got a full time job!

It’s been weeks in the making, and the whole time I secretly wished she somehow couldn’t work out the child care situation or something – anything – so that she couldn’t take the job. I had no doubts that she would get it if she wanted it.

And then today she dealt the final blow. We met for lunch at Pikes Perk after her interview and told me, “They want me to start on Thursday.”

I mock-swooned, clutching my chest. It somehow felt like a break-up – a few days earlier than anticipated.

Then we had lunch and went shopping so she could have clothes to wear to work.

I’m happy for her, actually. I know she wanted to do this, and I’m glad she got the job (for me, there was no doubt). I’m bummed for me. It’s so selfish.

She’s been my consistent, reliable, well matched work-out partner for the past four years. Sure, I wish she was a tad bit slower runner (at the same time I wish to be a tad bit faster runner…), but otherwise, we worked well together in motivating each other to go that extra mile, sprint to the next mile marker, dyno to that not so great hold, swim just one more lap…

Sigh.

Of course, I’m in the process of applying for a full time job myself – something I thought I would never even consider – but the position is just too good to not try. So far, I sent a resume this weekend, and haven’t even gotten the obligatory “we received your resume” response. Not that I *need* a job. This is something I actually want to do. We’ll see.