On the West Side Moms forum, there was a thread about being disappointed in Mother’s Day - some moms even hate the day because their expectations are not just unmet, but crushed.

I know I felt that way in the beginning.

In a dream world, for Mother’s Day, I would leave the house for the day (weekend!) and spend it at a spa.  No kids, no husband, maybe a girlfriend who would consider this her dream mother’s day as well.

Over the years, I have slowly changed my thinking to not expect anything from Doug - I’m not his mother.

Now that the boys are getting older, school gets them ready for mother’s day with cute stuff and the idea that they should be nice for Mother’s Day.  They are excited to make cards for me and pick out flowers.

I went out to lunch with my mom and dad yesterday, along with Zander. We went to PF Chang’s. Sadly, Zander did not like any of the food there (except rice and the banana spring rolls), so I won’t be going there with him again. But other than that, it was a nice lunch. Mom and I shopped at Ulta afterwards.

She’s in Evergreen with Berni and her family there today.

I did get to sleep in this morning.   Well, first Zander snuggled in with me around 7:00 AM.  Then he got up.  Around 7:45 AM, Zevan crawled in with me.  Then Zander wanted me to get up - after he gave me “a few more minutes” I finally got up sometime after 8 AM.  I spent a lot of time fiddling around in the bathroom, using a exfoliation scrub and peel, while Zander impatiently kept asking me when I was going to be finished.    Finally, I came upstairs, and Zander had “decorated” the dining room and kitchen with hearts and stars he (and dad and I) had drawn earlier in the week.  Little signs he wrote “HELO MOM” and “HI MOM”  He was very excited.  It was super cute.

Doug made me breakfast, and even cleaned the kitchen to the best of his ability, and I appreciate that.  I just wish his idea of cleaned up didn’t mean that there were a bunch of dishes/pots/pans in the sink.  Sure, they are mostly clean (I would use more hot water) and air drying, but my idea of a clean kitchen means that everything is put away.

A short time after breakfast, I grabbed Zevan and got back into bed with him.  He’s my snuggly boy.  We had a nice snuggle for a short time…  Zander came in, too and I snuggled with them both.  That was nice.

I would so love it if I didn’t have to do any cleaning or cooking on Mother’s Day.  But that’s impossible.  We missed chores yesterday, so today was chore day.  So Zander and Dad cleaned the main level, and Zevan and I picked up the other rooms and took out all the trash.  If it were not mother’s day, I would have done much more, but I wasn’t motivated.   

We split up for lunch and the afternoon.  Zevan chose to have lunch and run errands with Dad, so Zander and I had lunch together and went shopping.  Zander and I went to Taco Bell for lunch.  Then we stopped at Bed Bath and Beyond (where I bought Doug some bath towels and mats for his bathroom).  I stopped by Ross and bought Zander some summer pjs and a bigger denim jacket.   We went to Cold Stone for ice cream, only to find that it was SEIZED and closed for business.     So we went over to Baskin Robbins and each had a cone.  Then we went to Target.    I got a new blender (our current one has a crack that sometimes leaks when I make my smoothies) and a new pair of running shorts to try out.  And more PJs for Zander - on clearance!

Now Doug’s at the comic shop, the boys are downstairs playing Lego Star Wars and I’m online posting.  It’s not romantic or lavish, it just is what it is and I’m okay with it.

We will go out to dinner tomorrow night because we hate overcrowded restaurants on the actual holiday.  I get to have crab legs at Red Lobster on Crab Crackin’ Monday. 

I knew that getting into the West Center Summer Blocks program was going to be difficult.

I filled out my form 10 days ago, printed it out, and hung it on my TO DO folder.  I made a plan to go over there after dropping the boys off at school.

And this morning - I forgot.  Totally spaced it.

I took the boys to school, planned a run with Candy, worked a little bit, then drove to MVP to meet with Candy. I got there early, snuck in a half mile before she got there…  We went along for another half mile, just chatting and catching up and then…

“CRAP.  I gotta go!”  I blurted something about the class, she took the stroller from me and I took off running back to the car.  I figured that everymoment counted, so I skipped going hom and went straight to the West Center.  It was 9:30 AM.

And the M/W/F class was full.  With someone already on the waiting list.

My happy, now unrealistic, façade of control, organization and planning just came crumbling down in an instant.

It was all I could do not to cry right there on the spot.

I was cheerfully informed that I could put them in the T/Th class, and on the wait list for the M/W/F class.

Numbly, mentally berating myself, I mustered up a smile and agreed.

In an out of body experience, I filled out the registration forms and went through the process.  The women who work there are just so friendly and warm - I’m glad for that.  It gave me the energy to not just totally fall apart for forgetting to do something so important.

We finished up, and they were just as sweet as sweet could be - and it was so genuine, that I couldn’t slip into my usual grumpy resentment of niceties.  I went back to the park.  And cried, just a little, on the way there.

I caught up with Candy for a short time.  Then I realized I wouldn’t have enough time to finish up my goal of 5 mi today.  But I made it to 4.8 mi, so that’s something.

And now I’m desperately trying to make the best of things. 

It’s better that it’s T/TH, because I have grandparent coverage on M/W/F, so now I will have some time to myself every day.  It’s better because it’s $28 cheaper per child.   It’s better because now I can maybe take my mom with us on Monday field trips to Denver and meet up with my sister and nephew.

And I signed the boys up for the first session of swimming at the AFC, which is every day at 4:00 for the first two weeks of June.  So, maybe just having summer school twice a week is better for them in the long run.

Clearly, I need a better system for organizing tasks - I need to work on that.  This is my wake up call. 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.  I’m trying hard to do less berating of myself and be more proactive on making things better.

Sigh.

Day 40 - I did Legs & Back and Ab Ripper X today. Then we had lunch at Poor Richard’s. I had NO voice today. I ended up writing notes and Zander READ them. That’s right, he can read. REALLY well, I might add. I’m so proud!

After lunch, we went over to Thorndale Park for playdate. Still, could barely talk. It was a great playdate though. Everyone was there - people I haven’t seen in months, I think.

We had to bow out early so I could go to the doctor about this head cold. Turns out it was not a head cold. A sinus infection. Lovely. I got an Rx for Amoxicillin and Flonase. And coupons for Mucinex and Delsym.

The boys have been great through all this. Amazingly great.

My cough is worse. And at night - it’s now coming from my chest. Great.

Day 41 - I feel like crap. I dress to go work out, but my head is pounding and I feel awful. 10 minutes before I’m supposed to meet May for a run, I call and cancel. And you know how I *HATE* to miss a workout. I’m afraid it will cause me more harm than good. I have a small thought that I might do Kenpo X later in the day. I don’t. I sleep.

Mike & Candy come over to watch BSG with us - we’re 4 weeks behind! We watch 3 eps. Holy crap. Good stuff. The later it gets, the more I cough. Lovely.

Day 42 - rest day. Doug takes Zander to skate lessons and Zevan and I attend a mass with the bishop recognizing my dad and his class who are studying to become deacons. Zevan is *really* good during mass. Clingy, but well behaved. After mass, we see that Doug and Zander arrived during mass. We hit the reception and afterwards, have an indulgent lunch at Phantom Canyon

The rest of the day, I’m fighting this infection. I nap. I cough. I lay on the sofa. I cough. That night, Doug and I watch The Day After Tomorrow - now that’s a spectacle of a movie. Entertaining, for sure. We play 2 levels of Halo and head to bed. And I’m coughing.

Day 43 - My voice is coming back - something must be working. The coughing is less painful. We have breakfast with the grandma & grandpa Scott, Georgiana, Tom and Jesse. When we come home, we all have a few rounds of Uno. Zevan beats everyone! It’s a pretty lazy day.

I feel good, so I decide to do my scheduled workout. Chest, Shoulders & Triceps plus Ab Ripper X. My triceps seem weaker, but my chest/shoulders feel stronger. Interesting. Can I say how much I hate Fifer Scissors? UGH. I need to get some 12 lb and 20 lbs dumbbells today.

My food choices have been bad. I need to get back to a clean diet - pronto!

Yesterday I started my first recovery week of the program.

It was the 90 minute Yoga X program - which I have so far avoided since I usually run on the scheduled Yoga X day.

I didn’t have time to do the whole thing in the morning, so I did the first 50 minutes, then we spent the day at the zoo (10-3) and then I did the last 40 minutes after we got home.

This work out is my least favorite so far. It requires a lot of strength and balance and flexibility and makes me sweat like crazy. I prefer the more relaxing stretchy yoga. I need to work on my flexibility and balance for sure, and this is very intense.

Also, I did Shoulders & Arms the day before, and my shoulders were sore.

I was supposed to run this morning, but May has a sick child and a 2 hour delayed start for their school ( - there’s no precipitation), so I did my first attempt at Core Synergistics.

For once I skipped the bonus round and went right to the cooldown.

Man, that was tough. Recovery week, my ass - this is hard work.

I felt very discouraged throughout the workout again, which is not like me. My mind kept saying, “I can’t do this.” Then I realized that I also feel like a big bloaty mess, so I’m thinking that my cycle is going to start soon. Just fab.

PMS just sucks. I’m going to have to *fight* to press play, work hard and eat right. Because I already feel like I just want to curl up on the couch, under the covers and eat lots of salty, fatty & sugary stuff while watching tv.

Man, I can’t believe what I’m typing. Whine, whine, whine…

I need normal hormones for an attitude adjustment!

I’m SO not looking forward to getting on the scale today

First, my computer is working. Kevin saved the day (Thanks Kevin!) by disconnecting and reconnecting the cables to the hard drive. Whew!

Second, Zander has been an AWESOME kid since we got back from Dillon. Really helpful, super sweet, cooperative… it’s been great. Zevan - not so much.

Third, my food choices have been TERRIBLE. I went on a carb binge - sugar, bread, etc, etc… It has not been pretty.

Finally, I’ve done a decent job with my workouts.

Day 10, Tuesday, I did Back and Abs. It was late in the day, and I almost missed the workout, but I got it done! Since I did Ab Ripper X the day before, I did not do it again that day. Since my family was visiting and no one was interested in going climbing with me, I didn’t climb in the evening.

Day 11, Wednesday - we went on a 90 minute hike around Garden of the Gods in the morning. After lunch I took the boys to Art Sports for open gym. When my brother and his family left town, I left the boys with my mom and spent 2 hours cleaning/doing laundry to get our house liveable again. Then I put in a hour of work on top of all that just to get all the fires put out. With the hike, housecleaning, and work I was far too exhausted to even think about doing Yoga X. So I didn’t. And I didn’t do Ab Ripper X either.

Day 12, Thursday - after fixing the boys breakfast, I worked for 2 hours… THEN I finally popped in the DVD for Shoulders and Arms. Ah… my favorite one. This time I used dumbbells instead of the bands and got a tougher workout. I followed up with Ab Ripper X. Now I’m back on schedule. Then we headed to the park for playdate.

That evening, I actually went climbing to make up for missing it on Tuesday night. Ow. Shoulders and Arms the same day as climbing - it was not a pretty sight. Normally I am a solid 5.10 climber, but last night I only climbed one route at 5.10 — the rest were 5.9, 5.9+, and I think one 5.10- Yowza. Now I know it was a good idea to swap those workout days. If only I was actually on that schedule.

After climbing, we went to Shuga’s and I indulged myself. The Brazilian Shrimp Soup and Chicken Curry salad were good choices, but the almond butter cake and almond kiss drink were not.

That brings us to today.

Day 13, Friday. This morning I did Kenpo X first thing! There were a few pauses in getting the boys breakfast, but I did the workout in its entirety. Love it! I had a quick bowl of Oatmeal Crisp with walnuts and Craisins. For lunch, I brought an Amy’s vegetarian lasagna to Doug’s parents house to eat while the boys ate McDonalds.

In the afternoon, I had a protein bar snack and a handful of yogurt raisins. And Doug just went out with Zander to pick up some Yakitori chicken and Miso soup for my dinner. Definitely getting back on track.

I’m simply not going to be strictly by the P90X nutrition book - all that denial gets me primed for a binge, as I experienced. So, I’m going to go for a balance of BETTER choices and live with that. My focus is on getting more protein, more protein, more protein and staying within my calories.

Here’s my stats from Monday

Week 7
Starting weight: 137.8
Last week’s weight: 133.6
Current weight: 133.0
Goal Weight: 125.0

Overall loss: 4.8
Lbs to go: 8.0

I have only lost 4.8 lbs over the last 7 weeks, which felt discouraging to me, so I finally measured myself to see what was up.  Imagine my delight to find that I dropped 2″ from my waist and 1″ off each thigh.

The last 12 lbs for me definitely have been the most difficult to come off.  I’ve been trying to take those last lbs off for years now.  And I did do it once - in 2006, for like 2 months.     And I’m starting P90x this week - so look out!  My plan is to  be stronger and and leaner than ever before (well, at least close to my body building days).

So I’ve been having these HORRIBLE headaches when I get up in the morning, and they recur throughout the day.  I *rarely* get headaches, so this has been particularly annoying for me.

I got in with Dr. Daugherty yesterday for an adjustment - I was out of whack and totally tight.   After talking, we attributed it to low electrolytes due to some recent, more intense workouts (May and I added speedwork and tempo intervals recently), and that I don’t eat before/during my runs.  Which is okay for my 3-5 mile easy runs, but not so good for my longer runs and workout runs. 

He recommended that I take EmergenC once a day for the next week or so, and try and eat something light before running.  Which I tried today, for a long run.  I have to say I’m just not fond of eating before working out.  Drinks slosh around, food sits there and makes me feel ill.

Today I ate an hour before running - a slice of bread, 1 tbsp of peanut butter and 1/2 tbsp of grape fruit spread.  And then I had an EmergenC pack right after running.  So far so good.  I definitely could feel the food there in my stomach, so I need to find something lighter.  I might try a rice cake next time instead of the bread.  Or a banana with cashew butter.

I’m struggling with eating right now.  Last week I dropped my calorie quota to 1710 before exercise, because for the first 6 weeks, it was at 1830.  I’m afraid I’ll have to drop it again, but I am STRUGGLING with 1710 as it is.  We’ll see…

I got the p90x dvds today.  May and I were supposed to do the P90X fitness test last night, but her son got sick so we couldn’t do it.  We’re going to try and do it on Friday morning before our run.

I’m tired today.   We ran 7 miles this morning, and my chest muscles are sore from climbing last night.   

The miracle isn’t that I finished.
It’s that I had the courage to start.
                               - John Bingham

This quote is the one that inspired me to take up running after 37 years of not just ‘not running’ but mocking those who run.   
I saw it on a t-shirt during the 2006 Take 5 in the Garden Run.

DLF > DNF >> DNS

Dead Last Finish is greater than
Did Not Finish which greatly trumps
Did Not Start.

Have the courage to start!

I struggle every day to get out there and do SOMETHING.  In fact today, I didn’t.  It’s SO easy to make excuses.  May’s kids had a 2 hour delay school start, I had to work, my mom couldn’t watch the kids… I could have squeezed in a short run several times during the day, but I procrastinated until I had another excuse. 

Finally it was the end of the day, and now I feel like a slug.  So tomorrow morning, we’re going to run - and I’m going to put work and all those excuses I used today away for the duration of our run.  Because my health is important to me, and I need to show my kids how important it is to me.  And I’m writing this to kick *myself* in the ass.

Because once the P90X DVDs are here, I can’t allow myself to make excuses.  I’m tired of my excuses.  I’m ready to make a commitment to me. 

The marathon was an amazing accomplishment, and I am still so psyched that I did it.  But I’m not as fit and strong as I want to be.  And that’s my next goal.  And I need to do it - for me.

I TOTALLY slacked off last week after my last update.  I didn’t work out AT ALL on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. 

Well, on Friday I walked a lot - we went to The Wildlife Experience, and then stopped at the Chapel Hills Mall on the way home for about an hour.  But other than that, nada.  Zip.  In fact, I mostly sat on my swiss ball and worked at the computer this weekend.  And slept.  I took a nap on Saturday and Sunday.

Add to that the purchase of 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies (mmm, caramel delites - thanks Madison!), Kaitlynn’s birthday party, take out Chinese (sesame chicken) and banana cream pie with the Scott clan in Aurora, then Mr Biggs for a bowling game with the Scott clan (they still have their pizza buffet)… 

I actually have been keeping a rough log of my food intake - although I’m sure I will forget an item or two since I am recording it sometimes 2 days later.

Today, after a pancake/bacon/egg (boiled for me) breakfast with Greg and Joshua,  I took the boys to my parents with their Wendy’s lunch, ate a couple of girl scout cookies at their house.

Then I forced myself to go on a fast 4 mile run.  I was able to run 5k in 32:41 - so I’m going to try and get under 32:00 for the St Pat’s 5k.

I came home, worked some more, showered, ate lunch (and 2 more GS cookies  ) and worked until the boys came home. 

I horsed around with the boys for a while, mostly laying on my back with them riding on my shins (good ab workout) and they wanted me to pick them both up, and I said I couldn’t.  So we all headed to the scale.  I forgot to weigh myself this morning…  Zander weighs 43.6, Zevan weights 32.2, and I weigh…  135.2 ?!  Down 1.4 from last week

I weighed myself twice to be sure.  And I have noticed that I weigh less in the afternoon than I do first thing in the morning.  Why is that?

Week 4
Starting weight: 137.8
Last week’s weight: 136.6
Current weight: 135.2
Goal Weight: 125.0

So, I’m cautiously happy about it.  

The plan this week is to run on T/W/F, climb on Tuesday night, and try to do a Crossfit style calisthenics workout on Thu/Sat.

I’m doing pretty good this week - eating less (there’s nothing in the house right now, and I haven’t had much time to grocery shop), and I’m making decent choices and controlling portions.  Of course, Tuesday night I missed climbing because of that BAAC meeting, and then we went to Ruby Tuesday where I had salad & burger - along with  fries and hot chocolate with whipped cream and buttershots.    OH, and a piece of chocolate caramel, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway I ran 7 miles on both Monday and Wednesday (Candy totally blew me off on Wed!    that’s right - I’m calling you out right here, woman!)

 
And today…

I did calisthenics type stuff.  I did 150 (3 sets of 50) of those low quick squats, plus a ton of other exercises, one set of 25 reps for most (only 10 push ups - the real ones, and only 12 shoulder raises with the Billy Bands)

I did dips, push ups, leg lifts, leg raises, kickbacks, scissors, single leg stretch…

I did the plank, shoulder bridge and side plank

With the Billy Bands, I did curls, press, flys, tricep extensions…

All in all, it took me about 20 minutes - with very short rests between every 4-5 exercises.

Whew!

Last night I watched You: On a Diet, and it was alarmingly inspiring.  While we won’t be totally cleaning out our pantry of all the evils (hydrogenated, enriched, hfcs), we will moderate those foods and look for other alternatives.

Now I’m going to enjoy the chocolate that I got from all my guys for Valentine’s Day - in moderation of course.  This afternoon, Doug and I are getting a couple’s massage at Tuscany Day Spa, which finishes with champagne and chocolates…  Can’t wait!

So, there is discussion about a proposal for Buena Vista Elementary to become a magnet school.

And it seems to be going forward rather quickly and suddenly. Now, I’ve been avoiding any kind of parental involvement, other than volunteering in their classrooms, until they are both in school full time.

But I felt a need to find out more about this whole magnet school deal and why it was happening so urgently all of a sudden.

My intention was to sit in on the meeting for an hour, then go climbing, then meet the girls at Ruby Tuesday.

Not so much.

While I am satisfied now with, and even agree to, why it should happen quickly, it took longer than an hour to get all my answers. Mostly because the principal didn’t seem to get my questions clearly answered the first time I asked, or even after clarification. It was kind of odd - kind of like talking to a politician, but I guess really, like speaking with an administrator.

They are looking to enroll *40* more 3 and 4 year olds next year.

Oh, and they are offering full day (8:00 AM - 2:30 PM) preschool for the 3 and 4 year olds next year - $500/month for full day.

We’re not taking advantage of that, though. 

So I missed climbing

And somehow am on a committee with Johanna to come up with the marketing part of the proposal. With Johanna and Eva. By Tuesday.

So it begins…

So, I get to school, and my dad tells me that my mom has dental appt at 2 PM. Crap.

*I* have an appt for a facial at 12:45 PM until 2:15 PM. So there’s half an hour there of overlap. My dad was going to see if he could leave work early for that time. But it annoyed me that my mom just let us both know that this morning. So then I spent a lot of energy being irritated and wondering if I needed to cancel MY appt.

May, Candy and I met for a run today. Candy turned around earlier because she had a coffee date with Lindsey, and May and I went to the over pass. And yesterday I tried those crazy fast low fast CrossFit squats, and my inner thighs are ACHING. Ouch.

It was fine when I was running, but whenever we stopped or slowed down - ouch.

May suggested that my mom take the boys to her appt, and then I could pick them up from there. Okay. It’s across town from my appt, but better than having to cancel.

My mom said okay, but that my dad was still waiting to hear if he could get off work early.

So i went to my facial and enjoyed it, but in the back of my mind, worried about the whole situation. I got out at 2:15 PM, and headed towards my mom’s dental office. I called my dad’s cell phone, but there was no answer so I figured he was still at work.

I got to the dental office, only to be informed that my dad picked up the boys and took them to school with him. WTF? And no one could have left me a message to let me know?!

So I went home and worked, irritated that I missed half an hour of billable time when I’m so busy right now.

Sigh.

My dad brought the boys back at 4:30 PM, so I was actually able to work a few hours. When I asked him why he didn’t call me, he said that he *thought* that he had already told me.

Sigh.

I know I sound ungrateful, but my mom was the one who wanted a regular day with the boys, and I need to be able to know that time is time I definitely have. The facial was a rare treat - a Christmas gift certificate that took me 2 months to take the time and get an appt.

Okay, rant over.

Back to work.

We had an informal playdate today - I was watching Paxtin for Megan, and then Shanyn called me to say that no one showed up at Thorndale Park so I told her to come on over. Then Megan and Alexa joined us after their appt.

So it was the Doans (including Jeff ), the Carusos and us. While there was the usual amount of refereeing involved (between Alexa/Zevan and Elijah/Zander), it was actually quite manageable. The kids even played outside for a bit.

I was a little pre-occupied because I had Tillie to work on. But I think I was able to stay present and sociable.

As soon as everyone left (around 3 PM), I offered the boys a movie so I could work. I didn’t feel TOO guilty since they didn’t have any screen time during the day and got to play with their friends. They chose Madagascar, and I set them up in their room while I got some work done. I could hear them laughing at the movie while I worked. The movie only bought me about 90 minutes of work time, though, which wasn’t quite enough.

I worked hard to disengage from work and interact with them after the movie (and a few extras) were over. It’s tough, but I’m really trying to balance.

After my run, I picked up the boys, so we could head to grandma & grandpa’s for lunch. When I picked them off from the office (I was late), Zevan was crying and wanting to back to the playground for more recess. I had to carry him to the car, with him protesting. That was pretty annoying.

Then I got another call from an unknown long distance number on my phone. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be Harish, who is on the XML team for DHL. With Zevan crying in the background, of course. The life of a WAHM, right?

So, we’ve been going through this nearly comical fiasco trying to get international shipping to Canada through their API. It’s been a disaster. Mostly because there’s a breakdown in communication between Spence (who I thought all this time was our DHL rep, but he’s actually a reseller) and the DHL XML team. Wow. Talk about bad customer service skills. This has been going on since early December, and both parties take 4-5 to answer my emails, if they answer them at all. So, getting a call from Harish was a shocker.

I’m not sure what lit a fire under him today, but he was all of a sudden trying to get to the bottom of things. He was surprised to find out that I actually have a live, working web page with domestic rates. I promised to send him all my account information as soon as I got back to my office. Yes, this whole conversation took place with Zevan crying and whining in his carseat behind me. Sheesh!

We got to grandma & grandpa’s and all was well again with the world.

After lunch, I headed home to work. And I had a phone meeting with Vijaya from Cartoon Books to talk about working on their site.

I’m very excited to work with them. I just love Jeff’s work, and they are really friendly, warm people. I actually did a little happy dance when we finished up. Comic book related sites are just the most fun for me!

UGH - after ArtSports was difficult for me. I’m just really cranky. I made them dinner and then put them in the bath, and they got water all over the bathroom floor - not just near the tub either. I nearly slipped and that just pissed me off further. Good grief! It was all I could do to hang on until Doug got home so I could go to one of many choices of evening activity

PTA meeting about magnet school status - nope.

I’ve already decided not to participate in the PTA until both boys are in school full time. I’ve got years of that to come and I don’t want to start earlier than I have to. I told Johanna my magnet school concerns (exactly HOW MUCH parent participation?), though. Besides, it started at 5:30 PM and Doug got home after 6:00 PM.

Democratic caucus - nope.

After Edwards dropped out of the presidential race, I only recently decided who to support. Well, that’s not entirely true… I’ve never been a big fan of Hillary Clinton (though I still am one of Bill’s), and her campaigning has left me flat. Too scripted, no heart, and I’ll never believe that tear was genuine.

Besides, I know Republicans who would drive through sleet and snow and nails just to NOT vote for her, and that’s the biggest issue of all. So, I’m backing Obama. I’m not on the big Obama-rama-Ding-Dong Bandwagon, but I also know that there are actually Republicans who would vote for him, so there is a chance there to get a Democrat back in the White House.

And, truth be told, if our Republican ends up being McCain, I can live with that, too. Go figure.

I personally don’t believe that Hillary can take Colorado tonight. So I’m not caucusing either… which leaves me -

Climbing night and Shuga’s - yes!

So instead, I went climbing with Lisa and met Tiffany at Shuga’s (after she caucused).

It was actually a good climbing night - except for one particularly tough 10+ that I wasn’t even able to start - and I feel like I got a good workout. I also had a mental block in this one dyno at the start of another climb. I totally psyched myself out somehow. I was finally able to pull it off, but I took a long time to be able to let go.

Tiffany’s caucus ended before we finished climbing, so she was waiting there when I got there. Lisa joined us.

I was eager to hear about the caucus procedures. And the results. And in Tiffany’s precinct, the majority was for Obama, BUT the delegates were split 50/50. Which made me feel a little guilty for not going to my caucus, but only briefly.

We had a nice night of food and drink and laughter. Totally what I needed.

One of my best friend’s husband’s has been in and out of the ER for the past two days. What we all thought started out as a bad reaction to drinking water out of a moldy sports bottle on Monday turned into an ambulance ride on Friday morning.

Two of our friends took turns watching her children. By the time I found out about all this, in addition to debilitating fever, inability to eat or drink and uncontrollable shakes, they found this oxygen levels were very low. And that whenever they took him off the oxygen, his levels would drop into the low 80s immediately. After I finally got my car back from the dealership, I drove up to the hospital to give Megan some support.

After a day of x-rays, a CAT scan, blood and urine tests, that were inconclusive. So, they SENT HIM HOME - with oxygen tanks and medication - for his wife, with a preschool and infant daughter at home, to take care of. “Call your doctor in the morning.”

WTF?! Seriously?!

I just missed them leaving the hospital, so I drove to her house and arrived shortly after she had settled her husband in bed - WITH OXYGEN. We all simmered with the incredulity of the hospital sending him home. I offered to pick up her favorite comfort food for dinner, which was the least I could do. Then I told her I was on call for her, any time of night, if she needed me.

The boys were at their grandparents, spending the night with their cousin Joshua, and Doug and I had planned a date night. Instead of the dinner and movie, we ended up just going out to dinner at The Blue Star. Much wine, food and conversation. It was really nice. Until I got too tired to stay out any longer. So we went home, watched tv and turned in early.

I slept well, but just before I woke up, I had a dream that I woke up and found 7 missed calls from Megan on my cell phone. When I called back, I was berated by a man (her stepfather?) for being so irresponsible. I felt TERRIBLE. Then, I really did wake up briefly, checked my phone, and there were no missed calls. I went back to sleep.

At 8:35 AM, I did awake to Megan’s call. Kurt had a 103 fever, still wouldn’t eat and was still on the oxygen. She had to go back to the ER! Doug offered to pick up the boys from his parents’ house, so I got dressed and headed over to watch the girls.

When I got there, she was understandably shaken and upset.

“Now the possible diagnosis is meningitis, and that meant a spinal tap, and OMG, it could be contagious, and BTW, Anna has had a fever, and what if she has it, and what if anyone who watches the children gets it, and y’all have children, and they could all die because of this… I don’t know what to do.”

We’ve all been on that thought train, haven’t we?

After I assured her that we didn’t need to go there yet, I reminded her what she needed to do. Just take her husband to the hospital, while I watched the girls.

We distracted Anna and Silvia with my pictures with the Little Einsteins, while Megan got things together for Kurt to go. And I saw Kurt for the first time in a while, and while he looked exhausted - kind of like after an all night bender - he still looked like Kurt. So I thought that was promising.

I had a great morning with the girls. Anna was just so super sweet and helpful, and Silvia was just oh-so-adorable. Silvia napped for 2 1/2 hours! Anna went on the potty. We played a little bit outside with snow.

And then Candy brought us lunch and took over for the next shift. Megan called to say that they still hadn’t seen a dr yet (it was after 12 noon!), but Kurt had more x-rays and tests, was resting and she would likely come home to see the girls and recharge and then go back.

I headed home, and just enjoyed my guys. Zander and I played catch, then we played 2 rounds of Candy Land. When Doug got up from a nap, we had a giant Scott family hug. It was all very good.

I checked in with Candy and found out that they finally got a diagnosis - pneumonia! So Kurt was going to spend the night for observation, and Megan was going to go home in the evening to be with her mom and children.

I can’t help but be frustrated with the hospital and doctors for how this all turned out. I can’t imagine how much more frustrating this is for Meg.

But there it is - one more reminder to be thankful for things like health and love and good friends.

I had a bad, bad morning. I couldn’t find my Nike+ iPod transmitter for my shoe before the run. I couldn’t find the remote fobs that I wanted to get programmed at the dealership. I spent the morning berating myself and asking myself what was wrong with me that I couldn’t keep track of these things?!

I even have a spare set of Nike+ iPod transmitter/receiver, which I have had in my nightstand for months. I moved it. I know not where.

I was on the verge of tears most of the morning, being very harsh, cruel and angry with myself.

Just when I was about to head out the door, I checked my jacket pocket - and there was the Nike+ iPod transmitter. I ran upstairs to retrieve my cell phone and there were the remote fobs. I felt a teensy bit better about myself, but not much. Because all this searching made me late.

May and I agreed to run about 7 mi this morning. Out to the overpass and back. When I got there, I apologized for being late, and we headed on the run. May said something about hoping that I was going to cancel (I *did* consider it), and then mentioned something about cutting our run shorter! May did! She offhandedly remarked, “You know me, I’ll always take the lazy way out…”

Excuse me?! I think she confused herself with *ME*

So I had to take the coach role for once - “NO! We are running out to the overpass and back. That’s it. Let’s go. We can take it easy, but we’re doing it.”

And we did. And for some reason it was painful. My calves were tight, tight, tight, most of the run. How in the world did I just run 26.3 miles?

So we actually ran about 7 miles and walked a half mile or so. My calibration is off on my Nike+ iPod. It logged us at over 8 miles. Very odd.

I’m rethinking going to CEC. I think staying in the house with the boys may not be the best course of action right now. 

I may do errands first with them (Target always cheers me up) and then meet up with you closer to noon.  We have a parent/teacher conference at 2:45 PM.

I’m struggling right now.  I think it’s depression coming back to me, with the post marathon letdown, gaining weight marathon week, the boys’ behavior and this weather makes me want to just curl up in front of the tv eating snacks. 

However, I’m not ready for the side effects of going back on medication yet.  Weight gain and no sex drive isn’t going to help me right now, either.

I didn’t work out yesterday, other than rearranging furniture and helping my dad put together the bunk bed for the boys.  I’m walking the line between berating myself for not working out, and trying to give myself a little bit of slack. 

I haven’t worked out yet today either.  I wish that Chuck E Cheese had DDR or some other fun physical game to play there.  Meanwhile the laundry has piled up again and the house is a wreck. 

I need to snap out of it and get back on track!