On the West Side Moms forum, there was a thread about being disappointed in Mother’s Day – some moms even hate the day because their expectations are not just unmet, but crushed.

I know I felt that way in the beginning.

In a dream world, for Mother’s Day, I would leave the house for the day (weekend!) and spend it at a spa.  No kids, no husband, maybe a girlfriend who would consider this her dream mother’s day as well.

Over the years, I have slowly changed my thinking to not expect anything from Doug – I’m not his mother.

Now that the boys are getting older, school gets them ready for mother’s day with cute stuff and the idea that they should be nice for Mother’s Day.  They are excited to make cards for me and pick out flowers.

I went out to lunch with my mom and dad yesterday, along with Zander. We went to PF Chang’s. Sadly, Zander did not like any of the food there (except rice and the banana spring rolls), so I won’t be going there with him again. But other than that, it was a nice lunch. Mom and I shopped at Ulta afterwards.

She’s in Evergreen with Berni and her family there today.

I did get to sleep in this morning.   Well, first Zander snuggled in with me around 7:00 AM.  Then he got up.  Around 7:45 AM, Zevan crawled in with me.  Then Zander wanted me to get up – after he gave me “a few more minutes” I finally got up sometime after 8 AM.  I spent a lot of time fiddling around in the bathroom, using a exfoliation scrub and peel, while Zander impatiently kept asking me when I was going to be finished.    Finally, I came upstairs, and Zander had “decorated” the dining room and kitchen with hearts and stars he (and dad and I) had drawn earlier in the week.  Little signs he wrote “HELO MOM” and “HI MOM”  He was very excited.  It was super cute.

Doug made me breakfast, and even cleaned the kitchen to the best of his ability, and I appreciate that.  I just wish his idea of cleaned up didn’t mean that there were a bunch of dishes/pots/pans in the sink.  Sure, they are mostly clean (I would use more hot water) and air drying, but my idea of a clean kitchen means that everything is put away.

A short time after breakfast, I grabbed Zevan and got back into bed with him.  He’s my snuggly boy.  We had a nice snuggle for a short time…  Zander came in, too and I snuggled with them both.  That was nice.

I would so love it if I didn’t have to do any cleaning or cooking on Mother’s Day.  But that’s impossible.  We missed chores yesterday, so today was chore day.  So Zander and Dad cleaned the main level, and Zevan and I picked up the other rooms and took out all the trash.  If it were not mother’s day, I would have done much more, but I wasn’t motivated.   

We split up for lunch and the afternoon.  Zevan chose to have lunch and run errands with Dad, so Zander and I had lunch together and went shopping.  Zander and I went to Taco Bell for lunch.  Then we stopped at Bed Bath and Beyond (where I bought Doug some bath towels and mats for his bathroom).  I stopped by Ross and bought Zander some summer pjs and a bigger denim jacket.   We went to Cold Stone for ice cream, only to find that it was SEIZED and closed for business.     So we went over to Baskin Robbins and each had a cone.  Then we went to Target.    I got a new blender (our current one has a crack that sometimes leaks when I make my smoothies) and a new pair of running shorts to try out.  And more PJs for Zander – on clearance!

Now Doug’s at the comic shop, the boys are downstairs playing Lego Star Wars and I’m online posting.  It’s not romantic or lavish, it just is what it is and I’m okay with it.

We will go out to dinner tomorrow night because we hate overcrowded restaurants on the actual holiday.  I get to have crab legs at Red Lobster on Crab Crackin’ Monday. 

I knew that getting into the West Center Summer Blocks program was going to be difficult.

I filled out my form 10 days ago, printed it out, and hung it on my TO DO folder.  I made a plan to go over there after dropping the boys off at school.

And this morning – I forgot.  Totally spaced it.

I took the boys to school, planned a run with Candy, worked a little bit, then drove to MVP to meet with Candy. I got there early, snuck in a half mile before she got there…  We went along for another half mile, just chatting and catching up and then…

“CRAP.  I gotta go!”  I blurted something about the class, she took the stroller from me and I took off running back to the car.  I figured that everymoment counted, so I skipped going hom and went straight to the West Center.  It was 9:30 AM.

And the M/W/F class was full.  With someone already on the waiting list.

My happy, now unrealistic, façade of control, organization and planning just came crumbling down in an instant.

It was all I could do not to cry right there on the spot.

I was cheerfully informed that I could put them in the T/Th class, and on the wait list for the M/W/F class.

Numbly, mentally berating myself, I mustered up a smile and agreed.

In an out of body experience, I filled out the registration forms and went through the process.  The women who work there are just so friendly and warm – I’m glad for that.  It gave me the energy to not just totally fall apart for forgetting to do something so important.

We finished up, and they were just as sweet as sweet could be – and it was so genuine, that I couldn’t slip into my usual grumpy resentment of niceties.  I went back to the park.  And cried, just a little, on the way there.

I caught up with Candy for a short time.  Then I realized I wouldn’t have enough time to finish up my goal of 5 mi today.  But I made it to 4.8 mi, so that’s something.

And now I’m desperately trying to make the best of things. 

It’s better that it’s T/TH, because I have grandparent coverage on M/W/F, so now I will have some time to myself every day.  It’s better because it’s $28 cheaper per child.   It’s better because now I can maybe take my mom with us on Monday field trips to Denver and meet up with my sister and nephew.

And I signed the boys up for the first session of swimming at the AFC, which is every day at 4:00 for the first two weeks of June.  So, maybe just having summer school twice a week is better for them in the long run.

Clearly, I need a better system for organizing tasks – I need to work on that.  This is my wake up call. 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.  I’m trying hard to do less berating of myself and be more proactive on making things better.

Sigh.

Day 44
May and I WALKED 5 miles today. If either of us tried to run, we would just cough. She’s coming down with something, too

I met with Lois of Avanti Organizing today. We worked on updating her website, and in trade, she’s going to help me organize my mess of a home office.

I took the boys to swim lessons yesterday, and Zevan refused to get in the water. I am so irritated by this. He kept asking about the “other pool” I actually looked last night to see if we could get on the last half session, but of course the Pro I class is full

Zander really had a good time. I was a bit nonplussed by the use of noodles and kickboards, however. I thought they’d just be working on the bobbing (station 1 of Swim America).

Day 45
I had a bad coughing night last night when i went to bed. I tried propping myself with 3 pillows, but once I laid down, it was just over. This is pretty frustrating.

This morning I did Back & Biceps/Ab Ripper. I need to buy my 20 lb and 12 lb dumbbells! I tried to get some this weekend, but I couldn’t find any plain hex metal dumbbells at Big 5 or Target. I need to try KMart.

Today I totally burned out my biceps – yowza. That’s going to hurt later…

I’m so tired right now :tired:, waiting for ArtSports class to tire out the boys.

Tonight is climbing night. Turns out May has some kind of flu type thing (fever & chills), so she can’t climb. I might just end up bouldering by myself tonight before meeting Candy for eats.

Day 40 – I did Legs & Back and Ab Ripper X today. Then we had lunch at Poor Richard’s. I had NO voice today. I ended up writing notes and Zander READ them. That’s right, he can read. REALLY well, I might add. I’m so proud!

After lunch, we went over to Thorndale Park for playdate. Still, could barely talk. It was a great playdate though. Everyone was there – people I haven’t seen in months, I think.

We had to bow out early so I could go to the doctor about this head cold. Turns out it was not a head cold. A sinus infection. Lovely. I got an Rx for Amoxicillin and Flonase. And coupons for Mucinex and Delsym.

The boys have been great through all this. Amazingly great.

My cough is worse. And at night – it’s now coming from my chest. Great.

Day 41 – I feel like crap. I dress to go work out, but my head is pounding and I feel awful. 10 minutes before I’m supposed to meet May for a run, I call and cancel. And you know how I *HATE* to miss a workout. I’m afraid it will cause me more harm than good. I have a small thought that I might do Kenpo X later in the day. I don’t. I sleep.

Mike & Candy come over to watch BSG with us – we’re 4 weeks behind! We watch 3 eps. Holy crap. Good stuff. The later it gets, the more I cough. Lovely.

Day 42 – rest day. Doug takes Zander to skate lessons and Zevan and I attend a mass with the bishop recognizing my dad and his class who are studying to become deacons. Zevan is *really* good during mass. Clingy, but well behaved. After mass, we see that Doug and Zander arrived during mass. We hit the reception and afterwards, have an indulgent lunch at Phantom Canyon

The rest of the day, I’m fighting this infection. I nap. I cough. I lay on the sofa. I cough. That night, Doug and I watch The Day After Tomorrow – now that’s a spectacle of a movie. Entertaining, for sure. We play 2 levels of Halo and head to bed. And I’m coughing.

Day 43 – My voice is coming back – something must be working. The coughing is less painful. We have breakfast with the grandma & grandpa Scott, Georgiana, Tom and Jesse. When we come home, we all have a few rounds of Uno. Zevan beats everyone! It’s a pretty lazy day.

I feel good, so I decide to do my scheduled workout. Chest, Shoulders & Triceps plus Ab Ripper X. My triceps seem weaker, but my chest/shoulders feel stronger. Interesting. Can I say how much I hate Fifer Scissors? UGH. I need to get some 12 lb and 20 lbs dumbbells today.

My food choices have been bad. I need to get back to a clean diet – pronto!

First, my computer is working. Kevin saved the day (Thanks Kevin!) by disconnecting and reconnecting the cables to the hard drive. Whew!

Second, Zander has been an AWESOME kid since we got back from Dillon. Really helpful, super sweet, cooperative… it’s been great. Zevan – not so much.

Third, my food choices have been TERRIBLE. I went on a carb binge – sugar, bread, etc, etc… It has not been pretty.

Finally, I’ve done a decent job with my workouts.

Day 10, Tuesday, I did Back and Abs. It was late in the day, and I almost missed the workout, but I got it done! Since I did Ab Ripper X the day before, I did not do it again that day. Since my family was visiting and no one was interested in going climbing with me, I didn’t climb in the evening.

Day 11, Wednesday – we went on a 90 minute hike around Garden of the Gods in the morning. After lunch I took the boys to Art Sports for open gym. When my brother and his family left town, I left the boys with my mom and spent 2 hours cleaning/doing laundry to get our house liveable again. Then I put in a hour of work on top of all that just to get all the fires put out. With the hike, housecleaning, and work I was far too exhausted to even think about doing Yoga X. So I didn’t. And I didn’t do Ab Ripper X either.

Day 12, Thursday – after fixing the boys breakfast, I worked for 2 hours… THEN I finally popped in the DVD for Shoulders and Arms. Ah… my favorite one. This time I used dumbbells instead of the bands and got a tougher workout. I followed up with Ab Ripper X. Now I’m back on schedule. Then we headed to the park for playdate.

That evening, I actually went climbing to make up for missing it on Tuesday night. Ow. Shoulders and Arms the same day as climbing – it was not a pretty sight. Normally I am a solid 5.10 climber, but last night I only climbed one route at 5.10 — the rest were 5.9, 5.9+, and I think one 5.10- Yowza. Now I know it was a good idea to swap those workout days. If only I was actually on that schedule.

After climbing, we went to Shuga’s and I indulged myself. The Brazilian Shrimp Soup and Chicken Curry salad were good choices, but the almond butter cake and almond kiss drink were not.

That brings us to today.

Day 13, Friday. This morning I did Kenpo X first thing! There were a few pauses in getting the boys breakfast, but I did the workout in its entirety. Love it! I had a quick bowl of Oatmeal Crisp with walnuts and Craisins. For lunch, I brought an Amy’s vegetarian lasagna to Doug’s parents house to eat while the boys ate McDonalds.

In the afternoon, I had a protein bar snack and a handful of yogurt raisins. And Doug just went out with Zander to pick up some Yakitori chicken and Miso soup for my dinner. Definitely getting back on track.

I’m simply not going to be strictly by the P90X nutrition book – all that denial gets me primed for a binge, as I experienced. So, I’m going to go for a balance of BETTER choices and live with that. My focus is on getting more protein, more protein, more protein and staying within my calories.

Since I introduced it last week, we play Uno! every day. The boys love it. When they come home from school or their grandparents’ house, it’s “Can we play Uno?”

To make it friendlier, and finish up quicker, we have been starting with 3 or 4 cards (instead of 7) and we have been taking out the Victory Lap Wild cards, +4 Wild cards and yellow cards.

It’s by far my favorite game to play with them.

My guys actually love workbooks and worksheets – particularly connect the dots and mazes, which is helping hone their skills with a pencil. Anything where you have to draw a line to match things or circle a specific choice is great, too. The dollar store has LOTS of workbooks for $1 each.

Board games have been great – Chutes and Ladders has been great for counting/math type stuff. They actually figure out what spin they need to get to a ladder and what number they don’t want to get to hit a chute.

I’m thinking they are ready for Uno, which is one of my fave card games.

We love the library, of course, it’s just so nice to have all those books. We pick out 3 at the library, check them out and those are the bedtime books for the week. We started getting the audio books from the library as well for listening in the car.

We recently started giving the boys an allowance. They earn it with a combination of good behavior during the week, and then by completing Saturday chores with Doug and me.

This has given us a great opportunity to teach them about handling money…about lending/borrowing, and saving up for something. I even introduced the concept of matching contributions. They’ve been wanting a Game Cube, and they are $30 used. So, I said if they each gave me $7.50, I would match their contributions to help them buy it. They are still considering it.

They’ve been really frugal with their money, which is pretty cute to me. When we go out, and they really want something, I ask for it out of their allowance. 9/10 they decide that they really don’t want it that much. This summer, we are going to the bank to start an account for each of them. I’m trying to find a super kid-friendly bank close by to do that.

They love to help with cooking – cracking eggs, pouring ingredients…

We just renewed our zoo membership, and I really want to do some treasure hunt type stuff at the zoo with them this year – where I make a list of things for them to look for, and when they identify it, they get a sticker/stamp.

We use our screen time judiciously. Educational games, pre-approved tv shows – usually 30 minutes per day, or up to an hour if I have to work. On the weekends, they get to play video games purely for entertainment.