Comments on: A few more words about the boys and grandpa

By: Pam

Pam — Sat, 30 May 2009 05:08:36 +0000

I am so sorry – it’s a heartbreaking thing to go through. A similar thing happened with my dad last year and it was a long 3 months before he passed away. those months were tough, but I began to appreciate life so much more than I did before. the thing that gave me the most peace was that he was no longer in pain, or frustrated with his quality of life. It was my first big loss as well and I still miss him everyday, but I have so many good memories to keep me company. He was an amazing man, just like it sounds like your father-in-law is. Big hugs to you and your family – it’s such a tough thing to go through.

By: suesun

suesun — Sat, 30 May 2009 04:05:05 +0000

My $.02, for what it’s worth:
be yourself
cry in front of your children
say what feels right for you and right for them
trust yourself, and trust the process
realize Doug is doing a whole retrospective of his life, even if he won’t talk to you about it
take the boys over while grandpa can still interact with them–but think twice about it after he is unable to really BE with them
let the boys see him after he dies, talk to him, touch him…. I know it sounds strange, but I was so struck at how my boys (then 6 and 8) interacted with my mom after she died.
FYI- you can keep the body for up to 24 hours after death. Don’t let anyone rush you!!!! We all spent the night with granny, and it was amazingly powerful.

apologies if this is too blunt…. but I think they are important things to be said.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoooxxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooxxx!!!!!!!

By: megan

megan — Fri, 29 May 2009 22:36:42 +0000

I remember when my grandma died when I was 8. We had been living with her for years (she taught me to read), and no one told my brother and I what was going on. The teachers held us at school instead of letting us go home, a neighbor picked us up and when we finally got home, she just wasn’t there anymore. No one explained anything and it was really confusing for both of us (my brother was 9). I remember vividly that the first time I cried about it (and we were really close) was after we had moved back in with my mom, more than a year later. I had complete hysterics one night- that’s when I finally understood. So I think it’s wonderful that you’re so carefully considering how to deal with this for the boys and in the long run it will be a real blessing that you were honest and supportive and realistic about it.

By: Mike Ruch

Mike Ruch — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:43:31 +0000

It sounds like everything is as under control as it can be. Which makes it even harder to relax, because you feel like there is always something more you could do, even when you know in your heart that there isn’t.

I think you already have 2 great outlets for the grieving & stress: exercise and writing. Keep up with those as much as you can. And keep taking those breaths when coping with 2 healthy young boys doing all they can to drive you to distraction. Avoid breaking things or putting holes in walls (2 things I am way too familiar with) and you should be good. Just keep talking and writing through it, the worst thing you could do is go into hibernation.