I’ve been worried about Zander. Lately, he’s been having some trouble with his confidence. He’s been really tentative in his physical skills.

I think it started when his swim instructor for Level 2 said that Zander had all the skills to swim, but lacked the confidence to actually do it.

Then after a few weeks of climbing just fine at the climbing gym, he was suddenly anxious and nervous and didn’t want to try any new routes. He would climb the one route he knew he could do, and he was done for the day. Meanwhile, Zevan would try 3-4 routes and just really work at getting to the top.

Most recently he has been very tentative on his bicycle. On the slightest downhill, he wants to get off of his bike and walk until it’s level. At the same time, Zevan comes barreling down the same hill, “here I come!”

I know I’m not supposed to compare them, but I’m just stating the facts here.

I’ve been trying to be supportive and understanding, but it seems so sudden and odd when he’s excelling at so many things like reading and writing and patience and helpfulness.

And then today, at the climbing gym, I was trying this 5.10 route on the traverse-y wall. I tried to start it a few times, ended up sideways and thought, there’s no way to do this. I can’t do this route. For a split second, I tried to go straight up, but immediately decided that the hold was too far and I would never be able to reach it. So, I gave up on it, and started on a nearby 5.9 route up until the one hold I needed to reach, then finished on the 5.10.

Afterwards, while Lisa climbed the same route, I decided to give a new V1 route a try. I tried several times to start it, and thought, this is crazy – how can this possibly be a V1? I can always climb V1s – this must be misrated.

So Lisa basically had the same results as me on the 5.10 route – we figured that we both must be too short to get to the hold we needed to get to. Then I asked her to try the V1. She got much farther than I did, then stalled, too, about 3 moves later. We were both flummoxed.

Kyle walked by and we asked me to show us how to do both routes. He got right up on the 5.10, and pulled himself up easily. We were so surprised that we asked him to do it again, noticing this time that the wasn’t even maxed out, and that it should be totally reachable for either of us. Then he simply said, “You can do this.” Still skeptical, I got on the wall, and found that he was right, I could do it. And it was actually easy. Lisa tried, too, and was able to get up the same way.

Then we asked him to show us the V1 route. Again, he just pulled up on the wall, and smoothly climbed to the top. He came back down, and asked where I got hung up. I showed him where. He gave me a few pointers, and again simply stated, “You can totally do this.”

I got back on, remembering his movements, and was able to get most of the way up. About halfway, I lost my footing, and slipped off, I hung there for a while, trying to find the foot holds, with them directing me, “a little higher. to the right. higher. almost there”

By the time I got my footing, I thought for sure I was going to drop. “You’ve got it,” he said. And somehow, I did. I pulled myself up, and got to the top. Whew! When I got down, I thanked my coach Kyle and made Lisa go up and do the same.

We laughed at how convinced we were that we couldn’t do it. And that once we got some direction and encouragement, it was totally do-able.

So then I thought back to Zander. And I guess I’m already doing what I can for him. Encourage him, let him know that he CAN do it, and let him go.

I just wish there was a way for him to actually believe me when I tell him that he can do something. For him to at least give it a try instead of giving up right away.

It’s a hard thing to balance. I guess we’ll keep working on it.