I knew that getting into the West Center Summer Blocks program was going to be difficult.

I filled out my form 10 days ago, printed it out, and hung it on my TO DO folder.  I made a plan to go over there after dropping the boys off at school.

And this morning – I forgot.  Totally spaced it.

I took the boys to school, planned a run with Candy, worked a little bit, then drove to MVP to meet with Candy. I got there early, snuck in a half mile before she got there…  We went along for another half mile, just chatting and catching up and then…

“CRAP.  I gotta go!”  I blurted something about the class, she took the stroller from me and I took off running back to the car.  I figured that everymoment counted, so I skipped going hom and went straight to the West Center.  It was 9:30 AM.

And the M/W/F class was full.  With someone already on the waiting list.

My happy, now unrealistic, façade of control, organization and planning just came crumbling down in an instant.

It was all I could do not to cry right there on the spot.

I was cheerfully informed that I could put them in the T/Th class, and on the wait list for the M/W/F class.

Numbly, mentally berating myself, I mustered up a smile and agreed.

In an out of body experience, I filled out the registration forms and went through the process.  The women who work there are just so friendly and warm – I’m glad for that.  It gave me the energy to not just totally fall apart for forgetting to do something so important.

We finished up, and they were just as sweet as sweet could be – and it was so genuine, that I couldn’t slip into my usual grumpy resentment of niceties.  I went back to the park.  And cried, just a little, on the way there.

I caught up with Candy for a short time.  Then I realized I wouldn’t have enough time to finish up my goal of 5 mi today.  But I made it to 4.8 mi, so that’s something.

And now I’m desperately trying to make the best of things. 

It’s better that it’s T/TH, because I have grandparent coverage on M/W/F, so now I will have some time to myself every day.  It’s better because it’s $28 cheaper per child.   It’s better because now I can maybe take my mom with us on Monday field trips to Denver and meet up with my sister and nephew.

And I signed the boys up for the first session of swimming at the AFC, which is every day at 4:00 for the first two weeks of June.  So, maybe just having summer school twice a week is better for them in the long run.

Clearly, I need a better system for organizing tasks – I need to work on that.  This is my wake up call. 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.  I’m trying hard to do less berating of myself and be more proactive on making things better.

Sigh.

Okay, so I’m so disappointed in myself for the past week – getting over being sick, the bad eating, the missed workouts, etc – that I have decided to revisit Week 7 of the P90X program.

And work more towards eating much less calories. I’m struggling with food. It’s PMS, I’m sure of it now. I always crave bad foods, but it’s particularly bad before my period because I just can’t say no.

Doug and I went out for a date on Saturday night to The Outback. My food choices were good (steak griller and green beans), but I also had a margarita and key lime pie.

Then we went to the movies and I had buttered popcorn and a box of Milk Duds.

So bad. And I’m bloated because of PMS and these bad food choices. It’s horrifying. I need to get back on track and accountable!

For breakfast today, I had one pancake (I added protein powder to the batter, but it kind of gives it an aftertaste, so I won’t do that again) and a boiled egg.

This morning, we took the boys to Monument Valley Park, and I went for a quick 5k run. I was on track for an under 30 minute 5k, and then my iPod battery died at mile 2.4

It felt SO good to be out there, running. The weather was awesome. Everyone was friendly and waved, and I just felt this wave of good feelings as I ran. It was just what I needed.

For lunch I had 2 taco supremes with no lettuce from Taco Bell.

For snack, I had a cameo apple (yum!)

Right about this time is when I really decided to just go back and do week 7 of the P90x program again.

For dinner, I had my leftover filet griller from the Outback, a 3 oz piece of teriyaki salmon, 2 grilled shrimp and snap peas.

For dessert, I had the rest of my key lime pie from the Outback

And THEN I did my P90X work out – Chest, Shoulders & Triceps with Ab Ripper X.

Yep. At night. After dinner. After the kids were in bed.

While doing Ab Ripper X, I had to cover my stomach with my t-shirt because my bloated belly was just too mortifying to look at. I should have just moved away from the big mirror I work out in front of. I’m so ashamed of it.

I did it, I’m sore, and I’m sure I’ll be sore tomorrow. I am planning a 5 mi run on the Santa Fe trail.

After my workout, I had a protein smoothie, along with a snack of pumpkin seeds.

This is a new week and a sort of fresh start. Let’s hope I can stay on track!

It’s a bad bad week for me. This sinus infection and ensuing cough is kicking my ass.

Day 46 – I did no work out. May was sick, I was tired, and the thought of Yoga X squashed my motivation into a tiny ball huddled in the corner.

Day 47 – Again, no work out. I found every excuse not to do one. I was tired. I worked, I did housework, but just couldn’t carve out that time.

Day 48 – Back & Legs in the morning. To make up for yesterday’s missed workout. Cancelled out on climbing when most everyone else dropped out, too.

I signed up for a 5 mi race for Saturday, only to find out that the one person who was running the race with me would not be able to come.

Some stops and starts trying to get someone to run it with me. No deal. Then with Free Comic Book Day on Saturday, Doug would not to be able to stay with Zander at skating. That would require more coordination for me with the grandparents to cover both boys and the race and skating class. After much anguish, I decided to bag the race and lose out on my $22 registration fee. ARGH.

Day 49. No race. But I did rollerblade with Zander after his class. And skated for another 10 minutes after that. So that was something.

I’m feeling discouraged that I set back so much this week.