·:[ The Healthy Mom ]:·
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Day 49 is my rest day. I did some rollerblading with Zander at his skating class. That was nice.

Day 50 - Recovery week starts with Yoga X. I procrastinated all day. I started it

I hate Yoga X. I feel so unbalanced, inflexible and not as strong as I feel with any other workout.

I have only done the full workout maybe 4 times? Oh and I hate it every time. First the moving asanas. Then the balance poses. Then Yoga Belly 7. Good grief. It’s one torture after another. I get bored. I get frustrated. But I work through it.

The thing is, I don’t really feel all that great or accomplished afterwards like I do after a speed work running workout or a long distance run. I just feel like, “Thank God it’s over. I hate that workout.”

I have to say though, I am way more flexible than I was when I started, so that’s something.

I’m looking forward to running tomorrow morning, that’s for sure.

On the West Side Moms forum, there was a thread about being disappointed in Mother’s Day - some moms even hate the day because their expectations are not just unmet, but crushed.

I know I felt that way in the beginning.

In a dream world, for Mother’s Day, I would leave the house for the day (weekend!) and spend it at a spa.  No kids, no husband, maybe a girlfriend who would consider this her dream mother’s day as well.

Over the years, I have slowly changed my thinking to not expect anything from Doug - I’m not his mother.

Now that the boys are getting older, school gets them ready for mother’s day with cute stuff and the idea that they should be nice for Mother’s Day.  They are excited to make cards for me and pick out flowers.

I went out to lunch with my mom and dad yesterday, along with Zander. We went to PF Chang’s. Sadly, Zander did not like any of the food there (except rice and the banana spring rolls), so I won’t be going there with him again. But other than that, it was a nice lunch. Mom and I shopped at Ulta afterwards.

She’s in Evergreen with Berni and her family there today.

I did get to sleep in this morning.   Well, first Zander snuggled in with me around 7:00 AM.  Then he got up.  Around 7:45 AM, Zevan crawled in with me.  Then Zander wanted me to get up - after he gave me “a few more minutes” I finally got up sometime after 8 AM.  I spent a lot of time fiddling around in the bathroom, using a exfoliation scrub and peel, while Zander impatiently kept asking me when I was going to be finished.    Finally, I came upstairs, and Zander had “decorated” the dining room and kitchen with hearts and stars he (and dad and I) had drawn earlier in the week.  Little signs he wrote “HELO MOM” and “HI MOM”  He was very excited.  It was super cute.

Doug made me breakfast, and even cleaned the kitchen to the best of his ability, and I appreciate that.  I just wish his idea of cleaned up didn’t mean that there were a bunch of dishes/pots/pans in the sink.  Sure, they are mostly clean (I would use more hot water) and air drying, but my idea of a clean kitchen means that everything is put away.

A short time after breakfast, I grabbed Zevan and got back into bed with him.  He’s my snuggly boy.  We had a nice snuggle for a short time…  Zander came in, too and I snuggled with them both.  That was nice.

I would so love it if I didn’t have to do any cleaning or cooking on Mother’s Day.  But that’s impossible.  We missed chores yesterday, so today was chore day.  So Zander and Dad cleaned the main level, and Zevan and I picked up the other rooms and took out all the trash.  If it were not mother’s day, I would have done much more, but I wasn’t motivated.   

We split up for lunch and the afternoon.  Zevan chose to have lunch and run errands with Dad, so Zander and I had lunch together and went shopping.  Zander and I went to Taco Bell for lunch.  Then we stopped at Bed Bath and Beyond (where I bought Doug some bath towels and mats for his bathroom).  I stopped by Ross and bought Zander some summer pjs and a bigger denim jacket.   We went to Cold Stone for ice cream, only to find that it was SEIZED and closed for business.     So we went over to Baskin Robbins and each had a cone.  Then we went to Target.    I got a new blender (our current one has a crack that sometimes leaks when I make my smoothies) and a new pair of running shorts to try out.  And more PJs for Zander - on clearance!

Now Doug’s at the comic shop, the boys are downstairs playing Lego Star Wars and I’m online posting.  It’s not romantic or lavish, it just is what it is and I’m okay with it.

We will go out to dinner tomorrow night because we hate overcrowded restaurants on the actual holiday.  I get to have crab legs at Red Lobster on Crab Crackin’ Monday. 

Day 45 (Tuesday)
Back and Legs / Ab Ripper X today - always a good workout.

Day 46 (Wednesday)
Motivation is low when May is ill and doesn’t push me to run with her. I think all day I’ll do something, but I don’t. We head to Zander’s swim class. When we get there, it’s been canceled due to earlier lightning. But the pool is open now and we can swim if we want to. I didn’t bring a suit, so I just wear my sport bra top and buy men’s swim trunks for the bottoms. I actually attempt to swim freestyle a bit. 3/4 of a length of the pool and I’m feeling it in my legs. I have to take a breath with every other stroke. I make a feeble attempt at flip turns then change my mind each time. Not ready for that yet. All in all, I do about 5 laps total plus a lot of water play with Zander. That’s a good cross training workout for me. The pool is tiring!

And as we are getting ready to leave, the kids are playing in the lockers and Zander catches Zevan’s finger in the locker door. Crap. Lots of blood, lots of crying… I get some antibiotic ointment and a bandaid on it. Then Zevan turns pale white - his lips and cheeks have no color - he complains that he feels like he’s going to throw up. I’m worried he’ll pass out. Poor little guy. Zander is extremely apologetic and worried for his brother. After a while, we finally head out to grab dinner on the way home. By the time we get home, his color is back, but he’s got no appetite.

Day 47 (Thursday)
Back and Biceps / Ab Ripper X - the glamour muscles, as Tony says. I get a chance to use my new 20 and 12 lb dumbbells. During Ab Ripper X, I am able to complete 20-25 reps of everything. Except for Fifer Scissors. BUT! I can now do 25 reps of in and outs with my arms up - not too shabby! If only you could see my abs under my belly fat…

Day 48 (Friday)
Walk/run with May. This is May’s first day out since she got sick. She’s coughing quite a bit, so we keep it to an easy walk. After 2 miles, she turns back, and I run ahead for a half mile and back. It takes me another 0.8 miles to catch up with her. I’m running slow today.

I feel much better about this week, so this Week 7 is over, and I’m moving on to my recovery week next week. In conjunction with my running program.

4.8 mile run today - split up into several legs due to my hectic morning…

I knew that getting into the West Center Summer Blocks program was going to be difficult.

I filled out my form 10 days ago, printed it out, and hung it on my TO DO folder.  I made a plan to go over there after dropping the boys off at school.

And this morning - I forgot.  Totally spaced it.

I took the boys to school, planned a run with Candy, worked a little bit, then drove to MVP to meet with Candy. I got there early, snuck in a half mile before she got there…  We went along for another half mile, just chatting and catching up and then…

“CRAP.  I gotta go!”  I blurted something about the class, she took the stroller from me and I took off running back to the car.  I figured that everymoment counted, so I skipped going hom and went straight to the West Center.  It was 9:30 AM.

And the M/W/F class was full.  With someone already on the waiting list.

My happy, now unrealistic, façade of control, organization and planning just came crumbling down in an instant.

It was all I could do not to cry right there on the spot.

I was cheerfully informed that I could put them in the T/Th class, and on the wait list for the M/W/F class.

Numbly, mentally berating myself, I mustered up a smile and agreed.

In an out of body experience, I filled out the registration forms and went through the process.  The women who work there are just so friendly and warm - I’m glad for that.  It gave me the energy to not just totally fall apart for forgetting to do something so important.

We finished up, and they were just as sweet as sweet could be - and it was so genuine, that I couldn’t slip into my usual grumpy resentment of niceties.  I went back to the park.  And cried, just a little, on the way there.

I caught up with Candy for a short time.  Then I realized I wouldn’t have enough time to finish up my goal of 5 mi today.  But I made it to 4.8 mi, so that’s something.

And now I’m desperately trying to make the best of things. 

It’s better that it’s T/TH, because I have grandparent coverage on M/W/F, so now I will have some time to myself every day.  It’s better because it’s $28 cheaper per child.   It’s better because now I can maybe take my mom with us on Monday field trips to Denver and meet up with my sister and nephew.

And I signed the boys up for the first session of swimming at the AFC, which is every day at 4:00 for the first two weeks of June.  So, maybe just having summer school twice a week is better for them in the long run.

Clearly, I need a better system for organizing tasks - I need to work on that.  This is my wake up call. 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading.  I’m trying hard to do less berating of myself and be more proactive on making things better.

Sigh.

Okay, so I’m so disappointed in myself for the past week - getting over being sick, the bad eating, the missed workouts, etc - that I have decided to revisit Week 7 of the P90X program.

And work more towards eating much less calories. I’m struggling with food. It’s PMS, I’m sure of it now. I always crave bad foods, but it’s particularly bad before my period because I just can’t say no.

Doug and I went out for a date on Saturday night to The Outback. My food choices were good (steak griller and green beans), but I also had a margarita and key lime pie.

Then we went to the movies and I had buttered popcorn and a box of Milk Duds.

So bad. And I’m bloated because of PMS and these bad food choices. It’s horrifying. I need to get back on track and accountable!

For breakfast today, I had one pancake (I added protein powder to the batter, but it kind of gives it an aftertaste, so I won’t do that again) and a boiled egg.

This morning, we took the boys to Monument Valley Park, and I went for a quick 5k run. I was on track for an under 30 minute 5k, and then my iPod battery died at mile 2.4

It felt SO good to be out there, running. The weather was awesome. Everyone was friendly and waved, and I just felt this wave of good feelings as I ran. It was just what I needed.

For lunch I had 2 taco supremes with no lettuce from Taco Bell.

For snack, I had a cameo apple (yum!)

Right about this time is when I really decided to just go back and do week 7 of the P90x program again.

For dinner, I had my leftover filet griller from the Outback, a 3 oz piece of teriyaki salmon, 2 grilled shrimp and snap peas.

For dessert, I had the rest of my key lime pie from the Outback

And THEN I did my P90X work out - Chest, Shoulders & Triceps with Ab Ripper X.

Yep. At night. After dinner. After the kids were in bed.

While doing Ab Ripper X, I had to cover my stomach with my t-shirt because my bloated belly was just too mortifying to look at. I should have just moved away from the big mirror I work out in front of. I’m so ashamed of it.

I did it, I’m sore, and I’m sure I’ll be sore tomorrow. I am planning a 5 mi run on the Santa Fe trail.

After my workout, I had a protein smoothie, along with a snack of pumpkin seeds.

This is a new week and a sort of fresh start. Let’s hope I can stay on track!

It’s a bad bad week for me. This sinus infection and ensuing cough is kicking my ass.

Day 46 - I did no work out. May was sick, I was tired, and the thought of Yoga X squashed my motivation into a tiny ball huddled in the corner.

Day 47 - Again, no work out. I found every excuse not to do one. I was tired. I worked, I did housework, but just couldn’t carve out that time.

Day 48 - Back & Legs in the morning. To make up for yesterday’s missed workout. Cancelled out on climbing when most everyone else dropped out, too.

I signed up for a 5 mi race for Saturday, only to find out that the one person who was running the race with me would not be able to come.

Some stops and starts trying to get someone to run it with me. No deal. Then with Free Comic Book Day on Saturday, Doug would not to be able to stay with Zander at skating. That would require more coordination for me with the grandparents to cover both boys and the race and skating class. After much anguish, I decided to bag the race and lose out on my $22 registration fee. ARGH.

Day 49. No race. But I did rollerblade with Zander after his class. And skated for another 10 minutes after that. So that was something.

I’m feeling discouraged that I set back so much this week.