Candy and I met at GOG for a brisk walk, really. I was tired from the long run yesterday and just wanted to get out there for a 3 mile thing.

I met up with May & Candy at the trail head. We started together, but I had to go back to the car for something and May went with me. We were doing an easy jog, and it took us a while to catch up with Candy.

I swear she sped up every time we got close.

(Turns out she was – I called her on it a couple days later :giggle:)

We caught up with her and we all kept the same pace for a while. After Candy and May finished 5 miles, I got back on the trail. I was supposed to do 10 miles, but I was worried that I would be late for my client meeting in Denver, so I cut it short.

Zander is a sensitive boy, and he does really understand when I have totally had it. 

We had a big day today- after school, he had swim class with Emmett, then we all went out to lunch and then went to the park.  When I took Emmett home, he was complaining about wanting to go to their house, wanting to eat ice cream with Emmett, and finally, I had it.

“I know that’s what you want to do, but you had a whole day of what you wanted to do.  You had school, swim class, lunch out and played at the park.  I want to do things, too, but I don’t get to because I have to take care of you first.  If this is what happens, then we won’t do things you want to do, we will only do things I want to do all day long.”

Silence.

Then we went to my moms house because I wanted to do some thrift store runs for his costume.  Although they were both tired, they wouldn’t get out of the car.  Big fits about it.  So, I said, “You can stay here, relax, play toys and watch a little TV or you can come and run errands with me.”  My mom tried to bribe them, but they weren’t budging.

“I want to go with you,”  says Zander

“I want to go with you,” echoes Zevan

 FRAK. 

“If you go with me, you MUST listen and do things when you are told THE FIRST TIME I TELL YOU.  You need to stay with me and you may not run around.  There will be no crying, no whining, no messing around.  If you cry, whine or mess around, you will lose all privileges this evening AND I will never take you with me on errands EVER AGAIN.”  (I think I said it all in one breath.)

They both had to acknowledge, understand and agree.  Fine.   I decided to give them a chance instead of leaving 3 crying pouting boys with my poor mom, who I really want to babysit on Thursday night so I can go out for the shopping night.

They came with me to two different Goodwills, the dollar store and finally the grocery store.  They did great, despite my expectations.  Zander stuck to me like glue. 

So deep down in that little heart and head of his, he knows when I’ve had it.  This is my one glimmer of hope in a hopeless place. 

Because when he was 3 1/2, I swear he had absolutely no respect or love for me at all.  And I would have happily handed him over to someone else for 6 months.  Military preschool, anyone?

I did get some whines and running off from Zevan.  I expected that.  But overall, he was okay.

This was a response to a mama whose 3 year old was driving her crazy

I just said these words to the boys this morning

“I don’t like nagging you all morning through breakfast.  If you would just please eat your food and not mess around, then I would not have to keep telling you.  You know the rules: No banging, no spitting, no hitting – just eat.  I am so tired of having to tell you all the time.”

Zevan just completely ignores anything I ask or tell him, and just says, “Mama, mama, mama” or “Belly, belly, belly” and grins until I want to choke him.

I’m telling you, four years old is much better.  I’m able to do a direct comparison here.

It is exhausting.  I need to do the short leash thing with them but I’m trying to muster the energy.  Short leash means I tell them ONE time like this:

“I am going to ask you to do this nicely just one time.  If you don’t do it, <insert consequence here>.”

Most often used consequences:
I will put that away until tomorrow
You will need to go in your room until you are feeling better
You will be separated (move one boy away from the other)
You will go in time out for 5 minutes
You will lose privileges (no tv, no computer game or no Leapster)
You will go to bed right now (anytime after dinner)

When it gets bad with Zander, I tell him that he doesn’t get to make any choices anymore.  They usually get to make a lot.  Selective choices for dinner, what they want to wear, how long they want to stay somewhere.  When he’s being a jerk, I just say, “If you don’t want to listen to me or respect me, then I don’t respect you enough to make your own choices.  *I* will choose your clothes.  *I* will choose your meals.  *I* will choose where we go, and I will not ask for your opinion.”

I have told Zander that I didn’t want to be his mom anymore.  That maybe he should pick someone else that he can listen to because he obviously doesn’t love me enough to listen to me.

Initially, because he has to be right, he’ll often say that it’s a good idea.  But when push comes to shove, he will “change his mind” and want me as his mom. 

Usually when I snap, I just go extreme.  Short leash tactics (see above), put all toys up (I always leave books unless they are in a book ripping mood) and send them outside. 

I believe kids act out most when they need boundaries.  And as harsh as all this sounds, I always try and tell them these choices, in a controlled, neutral voice, explaining how it makes me feel (frustrated, sad, angry).  Usually on my lap.  With hugs and “I love you, but this is what we need to do now”

Just a quickie!

I ran for a mile before Cindi came. Pushing a single jogger while Cindi pushed a double, and she was still faster than me. Off the couch! We ran together for 5 miles.

I did the last 3 miles after she left. Not too shabby.

So, I need to complain some more…

This morning I planned to run 9 miles with May.  In the morning, I realize, Zander is home sick, I can’t go.

Then i check the calendar and my mom is supposed to be off from work.  So I figure I can drop him off.

We take Zevan to school – picture day today, so he was all dressed up with combed hair and dress shoes — so cute! – and I drive to my moms house.

No cars in the driveway.  CRAP.  I call her – they called her into work.  CRAP.

So we go home.  I work a bit, and then lose track of time (typical me).  So I rush out with Zander to pick up Zevan and…

get a SPEEDING ticket right in front of Ruth Washburn (did anyone see me?).  After he pulls me over, I tell him I’m late picking up my son and I need to call the school.  He takes my stuff and goes back to his car.  I call the school and tell them I’m late because I’m getting a speeding ticket.     I get off the phone and start to cry.    Tiffany calls me, while I’m mid-sob.  We chat a bit.  I get my ticket $110 – 4 pts for going 40 in a 30. 

It’s not fair.     I leave from my house and it’s downhill all the way.  I have to concentrate on NOT speeding because I seriously don’t even have to hit the gas pedal to get to 40.  If I had not braked, I would have been going even faster.