So, Zander was talking about his bowling party today, where he picked 6 of his school friends to invite

He was telling Grandma this morning about who was going to be there, and after he said, “Zoe,” he lowered his voice and said, “My girlfriend.”

I wonder if Zoe feels the same way? 

Zoe’s mom’s response?

OMG!!! That is too cute!!! 

She did note that she was the only girl on the list…but denied it when I teased her that it was because she was his girlfriend. She said, “Zander just likes ALL the girls, mama.” then today she said, “I guess I must be Zander’s girlfriend, if I’m the only girl going to his special bowling party.”

Well, Paige was also invited, but until today, I didn’t have her mom’s email address.

But I asked Zander today – “Do you like all the girls?”

“I like some of the girls.”

“Are they all your girlfriend?”

“No, just Zoe.”

Then I asked Zevan if he had a girlfriend.

“Yes.”

“Who is it?”

“Misha.  Misha’s cute.”      (is *that* why he’s always picking on her?!?)

I had to squeeze one run in before having to run the race on Sunday.

Last week, Zander and I were talking about something, and when he realized he was mistaken, he said, “Oh.  My bad.” 

Last night, when Zander went to bed, we discussed how, when he woke up, he would be 5 years old.

“And what will downstairs look like?”

I wasn’t going to decorate until Saturday, but I realized that he was hopeful that he would wake up to a decorated dining room.

So.  I stayed up until 2 AM, making and placing decorations.

i woke up this morning to a gasp,  and a “Whoaaaaa” and a gleeful sound from Zander.  Totally worth it.
This morning, I asked Zevan to go on the potty.  He replied, “Okay mom!  I *always* do what you tell me to do.”     yeah, right.

Today we took Zander to the Rocky Mountain Dinosaur Resource Center for his birthday. I can’t believe my baby is 5 years old!

I just had a very nice facial at Tuscany Day Spa today. It went by way too quickly.

Tiffany was coming in for a facial for her birthday right after me…

Soon, Shanyn is bringing her kids over to play while she has a facial.

Every mama should treat herself to a facial… Ahhh…

As far as exercise and diet though, I’m so unmotivated it’s crazy.

I haven’t run since Friday, and I’ve got a 6 mile race on Sunday.

Yesterday I had PIE for breakfast.

Help! I need someone to kick my butt and motivate me!

This was in response to a mom on the boards who was feeling disconnected with her daughter after her son was born.

Zander was just a baby himself (18 months) when Zevan was born.  The first night Zander and I spent apart was the night Zevan was born.     I missed him so much that night.  From an early age, Zander “helped” with his baby brother. 

I felt guilty about him losing time with me, but Zander is my miracle baby after infertility and miscarriages, so our connection is always there, even when I was most frustrated with him.  I read him books while I nursed Zevan, and I was lucky enough to have someone to watch Zevan so Zander and I could have dates.  I even remember sometimes, hugging him and telling him that I missed him. 

“But I here, mama.” 

“I know.” 

Now that Zander is nearly 5, very far from his tyrannical 3s, I find that we are closer than ever.  Zevan is in the midst of his tyrannical 3s, so I’m definitely not feeling him the way I did a few months ago.  Who took my little snuggly baby and replaced him with this whiny, aggressive boy who thinks it’s funny to hit or scratch someone!?

It’s not the comments/thoughts/personal beliefs that are an issue.  It’s the *way* that some are choosing to express themselves.

The group has long been a haven for those seek open-mindedness, no matter what their beliefs.  From diva mom to the crunchiest granola, from Wiccan to Christian to Buddhist and everything in between – we’ve got a WIDE range.  And we have long co-existed.

No one will be banned from the group.  Some will simply not have access to the four Members Only forums.  There are plenty of other places and topics to post. 

Health and Wellness will move to special topics, however the monthly check in threads will be moved to Members Only.  Something will happen to The Real Truth about Motherhood boards as well, I’m just not sure what that will be yet.

The group is meant to foster a community of support and encouragement among mothers.  The place to turn to when you are scared or anxious or just need a cyber hug.  Where you can voice your opinion and be met with open discussion without having to be put on the defensive.

The board is a place to supplement the friendships and connections made through meeting in real life – whether it is the main group playdate, or one that you set up privately with another mama.

Recently there have been quite a few members posting who are using the anonymity of the internet to say things in a way that they would likely not say in person.  And if they really would say it that way, well, no one wants to be around that kind of righteousness and judgement.

These can’t be pointed to one post or one topic.  It’s subtle but enough to run off less confrontational members from the boards who regularly come to playgroup armed with hugs and kindness.

Over the three years this board has been around, I have communicated with the most offensive posters.  Some left, some changed their tone because they didn’t realize how they were being perceived.  It’s the part of this volunteer job I hate the most.

It’s not a matter of being around the longest.  I have made some connections with some of the newest moms of the group, too. 

It’s not about coming to play dates every week, either.  There are moms I’ve met here only briefly, even just one time, that I have made connection with.

Lastly, those who might ask, who am *I* to make these decisions?

This is a labor of love.  I started this group because my two best friends with children moved out of town.  It was election year 2004, and I was suffocated by the oppressive conservatives moms in all the other playgroups I found.  I was tired of driving all over town.

I maintain the website, pay for hosting & bandwidth, give tech support to those who have trouble with the forum, organize playdates and get-togethers.  I moderate disputes, police the boards and try my damnedest to make sure this place stays a healthy community.

That’s who I am.  That’s why I make these decisions.

This is not easy for me.  My heart aches for the decisions I have to make.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and PM’d their support.  I appreciate it in ways that you can’t begin to know. 

I have had more than a few long time members confess to me that they weren’t visiting the board or posting as often because of this feeling of change.

Not only have there been complaints about the recent tone of the board, I have also had to field complaints about other West Side Moms being judgmental to other moms at playdate or through PMs.  About how their births could have been better, about shunning those who might bottle feed or even formula feed their babies, about a whole lot of things that are the choices a mother makes, and should not have to defend, at the most vulnerable time in a mother’s life.  It’s WRONG.   And it makes me unbelievable sad that anyone would do that.  And angry that someone who considers herself a West Side Mom would do it.

Of course, I have my own opinions, and sure, I’ve raised my eyebrow at choices that others have made, and might even discuss it with my friends.  But I wouldn’t dare go so far as to accost someone else about the choices they have made for their children, particularly if I barely know them.

This board is a place for support and for encouragement – one mother to another.  If you can’t do that with an OPEN mind and a kind heart, you should not be here.  You can go to Mothering or BabyCenter or another online community where you can use your anonymity to post things you would never say to someone you hardly know in person.

Over the next few weeks, the Members Only boards will no longer be post count-based.  I will decide who gets access, with counsel from the long standing, respected members of this community.  This might sound clique-y, but I need this to be a place of trust.

You can’t know how deeply my heart is broken over this.  And how I have agonized on how to handle it.

I’m sorry it has come to this, but I need to protect the community I have built, with my heart and soul.  I owe my sanity and a debt of gratitude to the women I have met here, both since  i started the group 3 years ago, and some that I have met only a few months ago.  If my closest friends don’t like coming here anymore, then what’s the point?

My heart is heavy.