It’s over.     I was excused because I was unable to remain impartial about this case.   

So now I can divulge some more information.   

So, it was a domestic violence issue, the charges were first degree attempted murder and second degree assault.  With a knife.

Clearly, I am unable to be impartial in this case.  Particularly since it sounded like the defendant was going to claim that he “abandoned” his attempt to murder the woman.   

Like tried to stab her, changed his mind, said, “Call the police” and that’s supposed to excuse the attempt.  Sorry, no.

But I was sitting around other potential jurors and we were joking around the whole time.  It was kind of fun this morning.  Each time a juror got excused, becoming the next potential juror got closer and closer to us, we would make the Spy danger music “Dun dun DUNNNNN”  If you’ve seen the Backyardigans spy episode, you’ll know what I mean.

I got out at 10:15, just in time for my doctor’s appt. 

Okay, I booked the plane tickets and reserved the hotel room.  Doug and I are going to San Diego for the Comic-Con July 27-29.  Our flight leaves Colorado Springs on Friday at 10:00 AM and we arrive back in Colorado Springs at 9:40 AM on Sunday.  48 hours.

I’m slightly panicked now about the boys.  As you know, Zevan thought I DIED last time I left.  Oddly enough, though, now I think Zevan will be fine. 

It’s Zander I’m worried about.  He’s been very clingy whenever I have wanted to go somewhere without him.    The night out with Dani & Shanyn.  The last VI night I had with the girls.   It’s okay if he goes somewhere, but its not okay for me to go anywhere.

And tonight.  I just wanted to run to the grocery store while the boys were eating dinner (Doug was home).  As I walked out the door, Zander said he was okay with it.  As I’m pulling out of the garage, I look up and Zander is at the door between the garage and the house, crying.  He wants to come with me.  I argue that I’ll be back in 20 minutes.  He wants to come with me.  I tell him that if he comes with me, we won’t have time to play Monopoly Jr (he’s been asking to play all day).  He doesn’t want to play that game, he wants to come with me.  I tell him he needs to eat his dinner.  Can’t I just wait 5 minutes?  You have to eat all the food on your plate.  He heartily agrees and runs to his plate and starts chowing down.  I add another helping of food.  He eats it just so he can come with me.  By this time, Zevan wants to go to.   

I tell them, if you come with me, you have to stay in the cart.  Zander counters, “I promise I won’t fool around.”  Zevan repeats the promise.  So they both eat the food I ask them to  and they come to the grocery store with me.  I’m strict at the grocery store.  No running.  No snacks or candy, only the stuff on the list.  They don’t care, they’re just happy to be with me.   

So, we are actually going to lie about where we are going, because if Zander finds out we are going to San Diego, he is going to want to go with us.  He *loves* San Diego.  So we’re going to go to meetings with clients.    We haven’t figured out what town we are going to say we are going to.  Even if I say California, the jig is up. 

The plan is to try and get their cousin Joshua down to the Springs that weekend.  Then they can stay at Doug parents’ house on Friday, then my parents on Saturday.  I’m concerned about the transition there, but hoping it’s enough to keep them distracted.  Maybe my parents can take them to the zoo on Saturday or something fun.

This is the FIRST time Doug and I are going somewhere without the boys.  It’s exciting for us, and we really want to do it, but we’re also worried.  Doug is haunted by the memory of Zevan thinking that I died when I went to NY in May.  And these tantrums that Zander has been throwing the last two weeks whenever I leave.

Candy and I went for a long walk today in Monument Valley Park. I had intentions of doing a tempo run, but never followed through. Plus I hit pause and forgot to resume my workout, so I missed tracking about an hour! Dagnabit.

But it was good to walk and talk and catch up with one of my best friends

This morning I started my day with 800 mg of Ibuprofen. So I went for a nice flat run this morning in Monument Valley Park. I ran continuously for 45 minutes, at around a 10:45 pace. Felt good. No pain at all while running. In fact, the only time I don’t feel pain is when I’m laying down, sitting on my ice pack or when I’m running.

After running, I did my calf and psoas stretches while waiting for Zander to come out of his class. On the way to and from his classroom, I sat on my ice pack while driving.

I couldn’t wait until my PT appt to see what we could do. Jessica, my PT, did this test where I laid on my side and did a kind of leg lift. She pushed down on my right leg and I tried to resist. And I could, a little bit. She tested the left side. I had no resistance at all.

Ah ha! Totally unbalanced sides. She came back with a resistance band and my new exercise. It’s hard to describe. I basically loop the band (which has a small diameter for maximum resistance) around both my ankles. I point my toes inward. I walk sideways in geisha size steps, picking up both feet and maintaining the pigeon toed foot position. It’s exhausting. I go both ways until I lose form.

Finally a breakthrough in my sciatica treatment! An actual possible cause.

I’m sitting on my exercise ball now, while I type on the computer. I can feel the pain on my left buttock and also down in my left calf. Yowch.

I’m alternating between being 1) panicked about having to run the Ascent in 40 days, and 2) thinking, I’ll be fine. I’m still in good shape and it doesn’t ever hurt when I’m running.

Zander keeps pulling this Jekyll and Hyde thing with me today.  One minute, he’s all hugs and kisses, and the next he’s all attitude, “Why do *I* have to pick up the toys I took out?”   

Zevan, too.  “I want Dibs!  I’m hungry for Dibs!”  No dinner, no Dibs.  “But I’m HUNGRY!”  But earlier today, I was changing his pull up and, he pulled me in close and said, “I love you, Mom.”   

  Why do they have to do EVERYTHING in extremes?

This sciatica pain is getting worse.  I’ve been sitting on ice packs at least twice a day, and today I took 800 mg of Ibuprofen to start the day.  Now I’m only comfortable if I’m lying down or standing after lying down.  Sitting is nearly unbearable anymore.  I’ve been kneeling in front of the computer.  I haven’t run since Wednesday to see if resting would give me a break from the pain.  It seems almost worse.

I’m getting very worried about the Ascent, although it has been the case that it never hurts while I run, so maybe I should just get back to training tomorrow.

I had an appt with my chiropractor on Thursday, and it was crazy painful when she worked on it.  It felt great for a few hours, but the pain just comes back.  I’ve been seeing my physical therapist for several weeks now.  Right after the appt, I feel good, no pain.  But it always comes back.  I even had an adjustment by Dr. Kania when I had my appt for depression.  Again, it felt great for a few hours, but the pain just keeps coming back.    I’ve got a pretty high pain tolerance, and this is getting worse and worse.  I don’t know what to do.

I have an appt with Jessica (my PT) tomorrow, another chiropractic appt with Dr. Audrey on Thursday, and I couldn’t get in with Dr. Kania until July 18.

On one good note, I did finally get my bloodwork done on Friday.

Emotionally, I am sliding backwards again.  I feel overwhelmed and buried and sinking fast.  I have been on the full dose of Lexipro for a couple of weeks now, and I just feel more and more tired.  I’m not sure if it’s just the sciatic pain, but all I want to do is lay down and veg out or go to sleep.

Then I swing back to crazy cleaning woman.  I’ve been on this purge and clean thing throughout the house.  I cleared out the Zboys’ closet this week.  I also cleared out the junk shelf in the kitchen, and about half the hall shelf.  My way of coping and feeling like I’m accomplishing something.

Megan rescued me from another day of holing up and brooding on Saturday (thank you Meg!) with a great break from drudgery.  We had some food and dessert and tasty beverages at Shuga’s.  We threw each other some life preservers, and declared that we would make it through this dark time.

Today we went on a hike with the Jacksons and had lunch at Schlotzky’s afterwards.  A really nice afternoon!  When I got home, Dad and Zander napped, and I cleared out a bunch of stuff from the office.

And updated my blog.  And now I’m back on line here, checking in.  I’ve got some work to do, and then I’ll take a shower.

You know what my latest motivation is? I’m nearly too embarrassed to type this out. Thigh Chub Rub. Usually I wear longer shorts for running, but they were all in the laundry. My shorts were about 1½” too short on run last week, and my thighs chafed. Yowch. And, it’s 3 days later, and still ouch.

I was thinking I might have to go to the running store and buy some Body Glide , but now that I’m thinking of it, I might have to try something I already have – Eros Body Glide. Women who have attended a Women’s Wants Party may be familiar with its lubricative properties I’m going to try that the next time I run out of clean long shorts and see how it works.