·:[ The Healthy Mom ]:·
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Finally! Nike lets me share my running information! Not that it’s anything to write home about these days, but it’s cool to see.

Not only that, I passed the 500 mile mark with the Nike+ iPod system. Not too shabby!

Fatigue - check
Weakness
Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight - check
Coarse, dry hair
Dry, rough pale skin
Hair loss
Cold intolerance (can’t tolerate the cold like those around you) - check
Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches - check
Constipation - check
Depression - check
Irritability - check
Memory loss - check
Abnormal menstrual cycles - check
Decreased libido - check

Add to that my blurred vision and sciatica… I’m feeling my age these days. I really need to get into the lab for some bloodwork. Something is definitely awry.

I haven’t been running very much since my parents left, I’ve only run 6 times in the past 3 weeks. I usually try and run 3-4 times per week, so this is an issue for me. Especially since the Ascent is just 56 days away! Now that my mom is back, I hope to get back to running on MWF mornings. Like Michelle, I find that I handle my life better when I make the time to exercise.

I’m still not sure where I am with my weight. I’m not making the best choices with food, but I am able to watch my portions, so that’s something.

I’m up to the full dose of the Lexipro that I was originally prescribed. The wonkiness of the first weeks of it at half dose has subsided, but I also felt like I was falling back into the hole.

I think I need to get a full physical. I really need to start caring for myself in a big way.

Between NYC and two days ago, I had actually somehow lost weight, despite not running and not watching what I eat. Truth be told, I was working so much that I was missing meals and forgetting to eat. Not the healthiest way to drop pounds. Then I got my period and gained it back. UGH.

I just turned a corner on feeling better, both physically and emotionally yesterday. I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking through a lot of my life in the past weeks. I mean, I do have these great times, like the Wrap Party in NYC and my lunches/VI nights with my girlfriends, but the rest of it has been so disconnected.

Yesterday I snapped out of it and woke up!

I haven’t been able to run since my parents left. It’s been bringing me down. The day before I left for NYC, I ran Barr Trail for 2 hours up and then back down. After I got back, it was over a week before I ran again. I ran once on Saturday - just a quick 47:17 run for 4.17 miles on Mesa Road. Then yesterday, after dropping the boys off at Doug’s parents, I went for a noon time workout up the Incline. I nearly puked from altitude sickness about 1/3 of the way up, but I took 5-6 rest stops, drank my water and kept going. I made it to the top in 46:27, a PR for me. Since I “only” did the Incline, I felt really good on the way down.

The rest of the day I had energy.

I worked, I cleaned, I had a late lunch with the boys, I went climbing and was actually able to climb decently, and then had a nice night with my girlfriends at VI. I even managed to muster up some libido for my husband when I got home. All in all, a great day.

So, I’m planning on taking some major time off from working in July, to get the rest of my life in a manageable state. House projects, cleaning, training, time as a person, time as a mom, time as a wife, time as a friend.

Zander started summer preschool yesterday on M/W/F, so I’m going to try and do my workouts during the time he is at school from 9:00 - 11:30 AM. I’m still going to try and do kid friendly hikes with them on Thursdays before playdate. This week, I’m keeping it close and going to Bear Creek Park with them.

The house is quiet. Everyone is in bed. I’m writing HTML, PHP, mySQL queries and mucking around in Photoshop.

It’s 10:30 PM. And the emails start coming in

Several from Tiffany, a graphic design artist. Two more from Tracy, our mutual client.

11:30 PM. More new emails. And I notice that May has just signed on to her IM - she’s a programmer.

What do we have in common? We’re all work at home moms. During the day, we make meals, change diapers, do laundry, carpool, run errands, referee sibling battles, comfort boo-boos. Night time is the only uninterrupted time we have to go through emails and really work on projects.

Before I left for NYC, I told the boys many times, starting about a week before the trip, that I would be going to New York, and that they would spend some extra time with their grandparents.

The days before I left, particularly the night before, was hectic for me.  I stayed up until 2:30 AM working, and packed at the very last minute.  When I finally went to bed, I laid down with Zevan until I had to get up at 5:30 so I could get the car packed up and be at Candy’s by 6:30 AM.  I realized that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to the boys before they went to sleep.    So, when I was getting ready to leave, I kissed each boy and told them in his ear, “It’s mama.  I’m leaving for New York.  I’ll be back on Saturday.  I love you.”  They both barely stirred.

Thursday night, I called the boys from the party around their bedtime to say good night to them.  The party was loud, and it was hard to hear them, but they both talked to me.

Doug called me on Friday and asked me to call and talk to Zevan at Doug’s parents house because he had an “episode” the night before.  So I called, and spoke to both boys.  Apparently Zevan was telling everyone I was not in New York and got upset whenever someone said I was in New York..  Finally grandma said, “Maybe she’s in NJ.”  And then Zevan seemed fine with that idea.  Anyway, he was super sweet on the phone.  I asked if he was okay, and he said yes.  We had our first real conversation on the phone, and I was amazed at how sweet his little voice was over the phone, since I was hearing him clearly on the phone for the first time.

I talked to Doug later that day.  Apparently, Zevan woke up in the middle of the night, and asked, “Is Mama in Zander’s bed?”  &nbsp oug explained that I was on a trip to New York.  This agitated Zevan and he went on about how I was not in New York.  Doug asked him where I was, and he insisted, “She’s in the drain!  In the sink!”  He got really upset about it.  So much so that Doug had to take Zevan to the kitchen and show Zevan the sink.  Zevan took a look and declared, “It’s too small.  She’s not in the drain.”  Doug took him back upstairs, and then Zevan told him, with the most heartbreaking look and voice, “I’m so sad about Mom.”  Then he started crying again.

It was then that Doug realized that Zevan thought I was never coming back.  That he thought I died.    

Because, when our dog Logan died, it was the first time Zevan saw me that sad and really crying.  For a long time afterwards, he would randomly say, “And my mom cried.  Because she was so sad.  Because Logan died.”

Doug explained again that I was on a trip and would be back on Saturday.  Zevan finally went back to sleep, but he was restless all night.

I called again Friday evening to say good night to the boys, but they had fallen asleep early.  On Saturday I called again, and Zevan said, “You’re coming home today.”  And I said, “Yes, I’ll see you later today.”

So I came home Saturday night.  Zevan said, “It’s mom!  She woke up!”  Zevan kept looking at me and touching me.  I said, “I wasn’t sleeping, I was on a trip.”   Later I cuddled up with the boys on the couch and talked about the trip and what I did each day, leading up to coming home to them.  At one point Zevan said, “And then you died.    And now you woke up.”

I said, “Oh, I didn’t die, sweetie.  I went on a trip.”

He replied, “I was so sad.  I cried.”   

What the?!  Why, oh why, would he think that?  I was so heartbroken for him.

Zander was fine with it all, by the way.  He claims he didn’t even miss me.   

I did some serious snacking in NYC, but nothing that can’t be undone.  I watched portions for sure, and really, it was too hot to eat too much.

I haven’t run since Barr Trail on Wednesday, so I’ve got some making up to do, BUT since my parents left, I don’t have anyone to watch the kids for me while I do said running.  Need to figure things out and quickly in that dept.

I’m on week 3 of Lexapro.  Taking it still makes me tired, which is great when I remember to take it at night, not so good if I forget and have to take it in the morning.  Some of the horrid side effects have finally gone away (low libido, anorgasma), thankfully!  I’m still on the half dose, and I think it’s really working for me.  I have a lot more patience now, and that makes me feel like a better person - as a mom and a wife and a friend.

I feel okay where I am now.  Not guilty about anything, which is pretty good for me.  I do have to say that I am becoming more comfortable in the body I have right now, which is REALLY good for me.  Not sure if the Lexapro has something to do with that…

After a late breakfast with our friend Sheri, Candy and I went SHOPPING!  So much more fun when it’s just us.  H&M is very reasonably priced. I paid just $30 for one dress, and another one for $14 on clearance.

After shopping, we came back to the apt, then had a SCRUMPTIOUS dinner at Frank Italian Restaurant.  Afterwards, we went to the salon - and had reflexology foot massage done at 8:30 PM at night.  Then Candy got a full body massage, and I got a pedicure and 20 minute back massage.  Instead of closing down a bar, we closed down a salon!  We were the last clients there.

AAAHHHHHH 

Then we went to the grocery store and picked up snacks - we each got our own pint of Häagen-Dazs.  We got back to the apt, and were totally psyched that no one was home.  I broke my tv hiatus.  We channel-surfed a while, and then just picked out a VHS movie from their stash - The Love Letter.

One by one the roommates came home while watched our movie.  Then we chatted for a while, and went to bed. 

Saturday morning, we got up, hung out, then had a late breakfast, and came back in time for our friend to take us to the airport.  A short, but fun little trip. 

I just found out that my lolo (grandfather) died this morning.   

My parents are leaving for the Philippines tomorrow night. 

Here’s a photo of my lolo with Zevan in 2004

At the time, my lolo was the oldest living Carpio, and Zevan was the youngest living Carpio.

Wow. Just dropped some serious cash at H&M - 2 dresses, 3 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of capri pants and a silky halter top. Yahoo!

The humidity here is UNBELIEVABLE. I just took a shower and now I’m just sweating again. YUCK.

We’re going to find a nice place to eat dinner and maybe have a late night pedicure. The salon on the corner is open until 10 PM!

Totally can’t sleep. I don’t even feel tired. So odd. Must be all this oxygen.

I just worked for an hour (fielding emails from clients).

I had a great time last night. My client gave his farewell speech and introduced me to the crowd. I had several people come up to me and tell me that they love the website and visit it a lot. That was a great ego boost!