·:[ The Healthy Mom ]:·
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So tired.

So, I got up to run the race at 5:45 AM so I could get wash up, get dressed and meet Tiffany at the finish line to leave one of our cars since it was a one way race.

And I hear Doug’s cell phone ringing at 6 AM. Then our house phone. I see the Caller ID “something burglar something” I need to leave like now, so :whistling: I don’t answer it. While I”m brushing my teeth, Doug come out of the bedroom and asks, who is calling? I say, toothbrush in my mouth, “something burglar something” WHAT?!?, he exclaims and starts making calls.

Seriously, I need to be leaving the house. I hear, “so are the police still there?” part of Doug’s conversation. He has to go down to the store now. I need to leave for the race. The boys are sleeping. :dizzy:

I call my dad. He’s awake! “Can you come over right now?” Sure. Doug leaves. I wait for my dad. It’s taking too long. I know he’s on the way, so I leave the house. I’m headed down Mesa Road towards Uintah…and calling my dad’s cell. “I’m in the driveway!” he answers.

I call Tiffany to say I’m running late and pick her up. We head to the race start. Doug calls to let me know that someone did actually break into the store. The bathroom window was broken and the metal screen was cut. Nothing was stolen, though. So that’s good.

We meet up with May, eating Jelly Belly Sport beans from our race packets. Candy was kind enough to lend me her MP3 player :wavehi: so I fumble with it a bit to get it on. I always have trouble with earpieces. I think I have weirdly small ears.

BANG! And we’re off. All together for the first 4 minutes, then I have to slow down because 1) I’m still fumbling with the MP3 player and 2) I’m already getting winded! I watch May & Tiffany disappear into the distance, and settle in to the music on Candy’s playlist. Starts off with a nice Alanis Morissette song I keep fiddling with the ear buds and the wires to find a good place for them. I am also trying to find my pace. And I am people watching. It’s a nice way to distract myself during a race.

You know what’s nice about listening to an MP3 player? I don’t have to hear my heart monitor constantly beeping at me telling me that I’m WAY over my target heart rate.

I finished mile 1 in 09:47.7. That’s the fastest I have run a mile, that’s for sure. And I’m feeling it. There’s no way I can keep this pace throughout the race. Time to slow down a bit. Hey, there goes the building I worked in when I was at Marketscape/Mobilize. Those were the days! I miss those days.

“Find yourself another soul to hold. You think, you thought, I know
Off upon my journey I must go. To where the river flows… To where the river flows…” To Where the River Flows, Collective Soul

I finished mile 2 at 20:08.6. That’s 10:20.9 - which is really good, and I’m feeling okay. I feel a few twinges in my shins. Dangit. More music listening and people watching. I need to get me one of these MP3 players.

“But he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns, And thinking of someone for whom he still burns. He’s going the distance, He’s going for speed…” - Going the Distance, Cake

Where the heck is that mile 3 marker? Hrm… Turns out there wasn’t one. At 31:10.4, I press my watch button. That’s 10:39.5, which is pretty much my pace right now. There are guys fishing here, just off of Garden of the Gods. I didn’t know you could fish here. How weird.

Argh. There is a woman in front of me walking. WALKING! What the heck? Surely I can catch up to her while she’s walking. Man, she’s walking fast. She must be one of those people who walk/run alternately. Okay, I passed her. Now I’m getting tired.

I complete mile 4 at 41:33.1. 10.22.7 If this was a 5k, I would have been done .9 miles ago. Oooh, it’s shady here. Much better. Oh, and now we’re off concrete, and onto an actual trail. Nice. Familiar territory. We came up this far from Cache La Poudre. Candy’s playlist tempo has slowed down, this must be her usual cool down time. I fiddle with the controls to get back to the faster paced music. Hey, how did that walker woman get in front of me again? Dangit.

“Green to red, I walk from my machine, I walk from my machine, Breathe in, breathe out, Breathe in, breathe out, Breathe in” - Machine Head, Bush

That’s what I’m talking about… Bye-bye, walker lady.

52.12.3 at mile 5. Woohoo 10:39.2 Just 1.2 miles to go. Just keep running, just keep running… I’ve never run this far before. And I know I can run for an hour at least.

Home stretch. mile 6 at 1:02:34.9! 10:22.6 for the final full mile! Just .2 miles to go. I hear the music from the DJ. I take out the ear buds. I see the finish line. I get confused on the course, this official looking guy is standing next to a tree, and I start going that way. I turn, saying, “Is this it?” No! Shit. So I curve back onto the trail and start booking. I can see the clock now. 1:03:49 Can I make it under 1:04:00 I run as FAST as I can.

1:04:02.0 I’m done! I’m done! I’m done! Yippee!!!

So, this marathon thing. While I was running this morning, I started to panic about it a little bit.

I wish I could blog while I run. I have a lot of great ideas while I’m running. I converse with myself, think things through.

I think you’ve heard it before from me. I hate running. On my running days, I dread it. I procrastinate.

This morning I found all sorts of little things to postpone my run - clean the kitchen counter, thrown in a load of laundry, find my heart rate monitor and the strap, play with the boys…

When I am running, I am constantly thinking about not running. I flipflop on my goal. I’m going to run for 30 minutes then turn around. No, wait, I”m going to run to the GOG lookout point and turn around. No, I’m just going to run for 30 minutes and turn around. And so forth. And I set little goals throughout the run to keep my mind busy. When I get to THAT shady spot, I’ll walk a little. When I get to the Xeriscape garden… When I get to Kissing Camels…

When I reached the GOG lookout point, I had been running for 28:30. So then I switched to my 30 minute goal. Which I then switched to need to get to 30th. Which I almost got to - at 31:00 minutes. There was a suspicious looking guy stretching under a tree so I turned around.

I’m always happy to be running back to my starting point. Then the bargaining with myself starts all over again. Well, I’ll see if I can keep running to Kissing Camels. Once I get there, okay, I’ll try to get to Fillmore. At the light, it’s all I can do to NOT stop running while waiting for the light to turn green. I just jog in place. At that point, it’s a mile back to my house. I think, if i get to the 55 MPH sign, I’ll start walking from there, roughly about 1/2 mile from my house. At one point, I thought I had already past it, so when I did actually pass it, I thought, “Sh*t, I still have 1/2 mile to go.”

It felt good to run all the way to the 19th. And then I was done. And it wasn’t so bad. I’m thinking now that I will be able to run the whole 10K.

While running, I was panicking a little bit about my pact to run a marathon before I turn 40. Am I crazy?! I hate running. It’s 5.7 times the distance I ran today.

One step at a time. This year I ran my first 5k, then ran 2 more 5ks. Double the distance - I’m going to run a 10 K this Saturday. After the 10k, I am going to train for a half marathon - at sea level next year. Double the distance plus. After that, I double again to a marathon in 2008

Possible half marathons for next year:
March 17, 2007 Six Tunnels Half Marathon, Las Vegas, NV
March 18, 2007, Arizona Distance Classic Half Marathon, Oro Valley,AZ
March 31, 2007, 2nd Annual Laughlin Road Run Half Marathon, Laughlin, NV
August 19, 2007,The 30th Annual AFC Half Marathon, San Francisco, CA
September 2, 2007 Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon, Virginia Beach, VA

I ran for an hour straight this morning. Just 4.6 miles in 1:02:51 For me, it was a good easy pace, about a 13:28 minute mile. My goal was to be able to run continuously for an hour, and I did. And I feel pretty good right now. I’ll probably crash this afternoon while the boys nap.

Race day is always different, though. I’m not sure where to set my goal. Maybe 1:15:00 - 1:20:00.

I don’t think i can expect to run my 10 minute mile 5K pace for my first 10K race. Especially since I haven’t really been training…

We did climb last night, so that’s good!

I’m running the Classic 10K race on Saturday, July 29 at 7 AM. It starts at Tiffany Square, runs along the Santa Fe Trail and ends downtown. Wish me luck! I ran 3 times last week, between 3-4 miles. I was supposed to run this morning, but I overslept and now its too hot.

AND, I made a pact with May that I would run a marathon before I turn 40. That’s right! A marathon. And by typing it here, I have made it official. I turn 38 in December, so it gives me 2 years to train. What have I done?!?!

Zevan has been his own little terror lately.

I don’t WANT to do dat.

Mom, you can GO now.

I NEED that

He clenches his little fists and sets his jaw and starts swinging. Usually he smashes his toys. Or sometimes tries to hit me, Dad or Zander.

We’ve been calling him The Hulk for his rage issues.

So far, time out has been working pretty good for stuff like not wanting to stop playing so he can eat. I put him in a chair and tell him that he can’t play instead of eat. He can either eat now or he can stay in time out and let me know when he’s ready to eat. After about 5-10 minutes, of us ignoring his little tantrum, he’ll come back and say, “I’m ready to eat now.”

Sigh. I keep hearing that one day we’ll look back on these days fondly…I wonder when that starts? When they move out?

You must see this site. I cried after reading the posts and looking at the pictures these women posted.

http://shapeofamother.blogspot.com

Photos of bare bellies, nursing and childbirth - just in case you are at work when you click this link

Zevan is 2 years, 3 months, and I have been trying to lose that last 10 lbs since he was 8 months old.   

I’m done with the scale until September.

I’m still going to try and eat healthy, but I’m not going to beat myself over ice cream on a hot summer night.  I’m tired of disappointing myself. 

It’s reminding me of how I felt when I was TTC and every month I got my period, I was devastated.  I feel like that now when I get on the scale.  UGH.  I can’t live like that.  It’s putting me in a bad place, mentally 

I’ve got too much going on right now to worry about weight loss.  I can’t take the pressure.  I want to take my boys for swim lessons, help with projects at the store and around the house, and spend time with my parents. 

That being said, I’m still trying to run that 10K in two weeks.  Well, run as much of it as I can, anyway.  If I run 5K and walk the rest, that’s okay with me. 

I ran with May and Tiffany on Friday.  And I ran today, partly by myself, and partly with May and another mom May knows who is SPEEDY. 

Right now my plan is to run every other day until the two days before the race.  We’ll see how that goes, I guess. 

And, my favorite workout, climbing!  Monday nights, of course.  I may try and go on my own to boulder during the day at least one day a week.  I should do that.  I like doing it. 

I’m trying to figure out a way to study martial arts.   While Tae Bo is fun, I really want to get back to real martial arts training.  It’s the cost that is prohibiting me right now.  I need to figure something out.   

So, that’s my new attitude.  I’m off the calorie counting and working on exercising.  My hope is that I will just maintain my weight for now.  I’ll revisit the calorie counting in the fall.

So my parents whisked in this morning after they went to mass, said hello, and then asked Zander, “We’re going to Denver to see your cousin Anderson, want to come?”   
“Oh, yeah, I want to come!” replies Zander.     

So an hour later, they are strapped into carseats in my parents Cherokee, headed to Denver with them.  Zevan, too!  “Bye, mama” he says to me 

We’ll be back before dark, my mom cheerfully tells me.  And off they go!

Doug and I are like, wow, what just happened?!  After, I do a quick and dirty kitchen clean up, we decide to try and do some painting that we need to get done for the comic store.  With my dad’s brand new paint sprayer.  Did I mention that neither of us have used a paint sprayer before?  And its REALLY hot outside.  Recipe for disaster, right?   

We have to paint these slatwall pieces that are going to hang on the walls at the store.  Some will be lavender, some will be dark teal, to match our existing color scheme.  My dad cut them to size for us. 

I have this daydream that he will be paintspraying one color, while I am rolling the other color.  Yeah right.  First I take a trip to Ace to pick up paint trays and drop cloths while Doug assembles the paint sprayer.  I pick up some Frappucinos for us, too.   

The whole time was trial and error.  We would try one thing, make a mess, decide to use the sprayer one more time and then switch to painting with rollers.  In the end, we painted all the pieces we needed to spray with the sprayer.  Well, Doug did the spraying.  I did touch ups and fixes.

And we didn’t fight.  Not once.  Even though Doug hit his head twice on my bike that was hanging up before we took it down.     I think that’s pretty cool. 

Now Doug’s at the store, and I treated myself to a nice late Yakitori/Tatsuta lunch while watching Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List.  Time for a long shower in quiet peace. 

We’re going out to dinner tonight with a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in 15 years from my active duty Air Force days in Grand Forks, ND.  He and his family is in town on vacation.  He’s a police officer now, which is kind of ironic (long story).   

Oh, and we used to date.    

Things are looking up, knock on wood. I’ve got Zander on a SHORT leash right now, discipline-wise, and it’s working for now. I think we both needed rest and the comfort of home.

24 hours without a tantrum. I’m taking one day at a time.

On June 22 we took the midnight red eye from Denver to Philadelphia. Our flight arrived in Denver at 5:30 AM on Friday June 23, and MY BROTHER OVERSLEPT and did not pick us up. Many calls and nearly 2 hours later, my aunt and uncle came to pick us up. Meanwhile the boys entertained themselves with the luggage cart and rolling backpack races.

Doug, Zevan and I slept for many hours after we got to my brother’s house. Zander stayed awake and played with his cousin Ash.

Then we got dressed for the wedding, which was at 6:30 PM. The hottest, most humid day and the wedding ceremony and cocktail hour was OUTSIDE.

The wedding was beautiful, touching and thankfully brief. The boys had a good time. It wasn’t as fun for me since I was on mommy duty the whole time. They started melting down, so we headed home earlier that I would have liked. But I did get to dance with my husband, which I wish we did more of…

Saturday we left for Cape May. We did a quick beach visit and after we got back, it started pouring rain. ALL NIGHT. The cousins took their first bath together, so cute! Lester and Jay came down to visit. We had a crabfest for dinner!

Sunday morning we went to breakfast at Uncle Bill’s Pancake House. Later our friends Hal, Lea and their son Halea came down. In the rain. We walked over to the beach and the sun started to shine through (courtesy of Hal, the Golden boy). And then we saw dolphins. Just 30 yards away from the shore. Baby dolphins and adult dolphins, jumping and swimming and surfing the waves. It was amazing.

We went back to the room, had some lunch then went to the pool for a while. The kids had a great time. Fran had to leave because he has to work on Monday.

Monday, more of the same. We did a morning excursion to the Cape May Lighthouse and climbed all the way to the top. Then there was a little museum/nature building with local reptiles. That was a big hit with the boys. Snakes, frogs, turtles…

Zander loves the beach. He makes Monster Island in the sand. He goes in the water a lot. Zevan prefers to stay in the “sandbox.” The water is “too cold” for him and he wants nothing to do with it. We make a circular 4 tunnel sand creation for the jeeps to drive through. And for Godzilla and the boys to destroy. Monday night we go out for a nice Italian dinner with Kimmie and Ash.

Tuesday, more beach time before Doug had to leave for the airport.

Then more beach and pool time. And more together bath time for the cousins…pretty much every night to wash off sand, surf, chlorine.

Wednesday morning, my dad came in. Another breakfast at Uncle Bill’s Pancake House. My only trip to the beach with the boys by myself. Tantrums from Zander. And Zevan is difficult. I decide no more trips to the beach for us. Kimmie and I decide to leave Thursday night instead of staying until Friday. After lunch and nap, pool time. Pool time is good. Close to the room, easier to manage.

Thursday morning my dad makes the teens get up early and makes breakfast for everyone. Morning pool time with the boys. Zander swims with a ring float for the first time and does awesome! Back in for lunch, then more pool time.

Then we start packing up. Zander has a massive tantrum ALL THE WAY HOME from the shore. He screams and cries for an hour. I try to reason, then threaten and then completely lose it with him. I fantasize about leaving him on the side of the road — I am so fed up with him. When we arrive at my aunt’s for dinner, somehow my dad talks him down. He is fine after that.

The ZBoys see lightning bugs for the first time. Then we go back to Fran’s house for the night.

Friday morning, my dad picks us up. Breakfast at the Marlton McDonalds, then we head over to the Adventure Aquarium in Camden. I take Zander to the Sponge Bob 4D Ride. Not a good idea. Much too intense for a 3 year old. I’m thinking it’s better suited for a 6-7 year old. He is a trooper, and stays through the whole thing.

The rest of the aquarium is great. Zander loves artwork on the wall in the Jules Verne Gallery of vintage imagined sea creatures. Zevan just loves all sea creatures.

Friday night we hang out at Fran’s. Zander has ANOTHER tantrum before he goes to bed. UGH.

Saturday is Ash’s 1st birthday party. Again outside in the hot humidity. But there is some shade AND a kiddie pool.

5:30 AM on Sunday morning, we head to the Philadelphia Airport. Zander has ANOTHER tantrum starting in the ticketing line all the way through security, and boarding the plane. See The Return of the Zander Tantrums for the gory details.

That’s our summer vacation in a large, long-winded nutshell…

  I am beyond frustrated.  After Doug left NJ, Zander had about 5 tantrums the last three days we were in NJ.  The major doozy was where he SCREAMED and CRIED for an hour in the van with my dad driving on the way home from the beach.  I totally lost it with him.  If I was driving, I would have stopped at a gas station and waited outside of the van with Zevan until he quit crying. 

And the one in the airport that started in the ticketing line, through the security checkpoint and into the cabin. 

He was having a crying fit as we headed down the jetway.  He wanted to stay in the stroller even though I told him we could not take it on the plane.  I left him on the jetway and said he could join me when he was ready and boarded the plane with Zevan happily riding in the ergo.  Zander pushed his way through the line, crying the whole time to catch up with me.  And pitching his gd fit as we worked our way back to our row.  I was telling him that he needed to calm down or else the plane would not be able to take off.  A nearby steward overheard me, and firmly (but nicely) told Zander, “That’s right.  We are going to need you to calm down, or the plane won’t be able to take off.”  That quieted Zander down for a minute.  I mouthed “Thank you” to the steward.  He did start crying again, and as I approached our row, I loudly called out loud to the nearby passengers, “I apologize to everyone in advance for my son.  He’s 3 years old.”  I got a few empathetic chuckles and nods, which made me feel better.  I also apologized in advance to the poor guy who was sitting in the window seat in our row.  He was very gracious.   

Zander was actually good the duration of the flight.  I paid $5 so he could watch Nickelodeon and Boomerang for the duration of the flight.  He even went potty twice.  Zevan slept nearly the entire flight, on my lap.  Definitely time for him to have his own seat.  Zander got a lot of compliments on his behavior from the other passengers after we landed.

We made it all the way to baggage claim where we met up with Doug.  Then, as we were leaving the airport, he had another fit.    

I was seriously going to take a cab home from Denver if he was going to scream all the way home again. 

Then he had another one tonight during his bath, which he usually loves.  We took his Thinking Chair and his toy shelf out of his room, and he still screamed and cried and was unbelievably rude. Oh. my. God. This. Is. Not. My. Child.

And after an hour of tantrum, when it ends nearly as suddenly as it started, he’s all like, “sorry for the tantrum, mom.”  and wants me to be all happy that he’s done.     He acts all sweet and nice and wants me to change my attitude just as suddenly.   

I am SO over this.  I am so F***KING tired of him treating me like crap.  He is only 3 1/2 and he is so disrespectful that I can totally empathize with Homer choking Bart “Why you little…”   

Calgon, take me away!    FAR FAR AWAY