From John Bingham’s biography

Through running, I create myself as I have always wanted to be.
Nothing in my experience was as powerful as crossing the finish line of my first race.
With that single step, I overcame a lifetime of unkept promises to myself.

From A Perfect World by John Bingham

Our running shoes are really erasers. Every step erases a memory of a past failure.
Every mile brings us closer to a clean slate. Each footstrike rubs away a word, a look,
or an event, which led us to believe that success was beyond our grasp.

As it turns out, many penguins weren’t running to anything. We were running from
bad habits and bad relationships; from the worst of ourselves in a desperate attempt
to find the best of ourselves. Ultimately we discovered that running was the means to that end.

“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.” I know I keep mentioning this quote. It has really stuck with me. I went to John Bingham’s website today and felt more and more in tune with this Penguin credo.

I am just so deeply touched by the passages above. Somehow they have struck a chord in me – I get emotional just reading it. Just like climbing, it is just for me. It is a chance to do something I thought I could not do.

Looking back now, I have often used physical accomplishments to get through a bad mental time.

While trying to conceive, it was my list of things: Sing with a band, Run a 5K, Tandem skydive, Take acting classes…

After my 2 miscarriages, I was in the dojo 2 hours a day, 5 days a week.

After becoming a mother of two boys, in order to find myself again, I started climbing again – twice a week, just for me.

So, what is pushing me to run now?

My parents are moving to town, Zander starts preschool in the fall, Zevan is already 2 years old and no longer a baby… the next leg of my journey is starting soon.

The first 5K was really just a fluke. When I finished, with a decent time and still feeling good, I got that same rush of accomplishment of when I get to the top of a solid 5.10 or finally finish a V2 route.

And, other than a good pair of shoes every 3-4 months, it costs nothing to run. I can do it anytime anywhere. I don’t need a gym membership or special equipment. I don’t need a partner.

When I get my run in for the day I feel like I accomplished SOMETHING. For ME.

Wow. I just figured all this out while I typed this. You have just shared in my new discovery, my epiphany, even.

So until I can afford martial arts instruction again, it’s running for me!