Good Lord.

Zander had the mother of all tantrums, not once, but TWICE while my family was visiting.

Seriously. It was HORRIBLE.

Friday night, my parents spent the night. I can’t even remember what set him off, but he was sent to his room for a time out. For the first part of the tantrum, I stood outside his room, holding the doorknob so he couldn’t get out. He started throwing his toys. And, house policy is that any toy that gets thrown in anger gets put up until the next day. I ended up taking his whole toy shelf out of his room. We were yelling at each other. It was not pretty.

After all the toy throwing, and knocking over furniture, and KICKING the door, I went in his room, and sat in front of the door on the inside. He was hitting me, and telling me that he was getting out of his room. I told him he would have to stay in his room until he calmed down and apologized. “I WON’T!” and he was actually growling at me.

He then knocked over his big upholstered Thinking Chair. I asked him to please pick it up.

“I WON’T”

“Fine.” I said. “If you are going to treat your furniture this way, I think we are going to have to give it back to Santa and he can give it to a little boy who will be nice and treat it more gently.

“I don’t want you to do that, Mom”

“Well, I would like you to pick it up and put it back where it was.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Okay, its going back to Santa then.”

He got really upset at this. “No, I want my chair.”

“Please put it back where it was.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Fine, it’s out of here.”

“No, no, no I need my chair.”

Sob, sob, sob, then “I need my chair. I’m 3 years old and I need a big boy chair to sit in.”

“Well, you need to show me that you can treat it nicely. Do you think you can put it back now?”

Sob, sob, “Okay, mama”

He was still defiant and telling me what he was going to do… ” I AM going to open the door and I AM getting out of this room”

“Not until you calm down and apologize.”

“I WON’T”

“Then you are not leaving this room.”

“I AM leaving this room”

This whole thing took over an hour. It was terrible. He did finally apologize, and he even apologized his lolo and lola (my mom and dad).

2 days later, it happened again…in the house we were staying in with 12 other people in Dillon.

He was acting up, so we let Zevan choose the TV program they were going to watch before bed. Zander didn’t like his choice, so he kept trying to shut the door to the TV armoire while Zevan was watching. After 3 times of being asked to please not do that, he was put in time out.

I closed the door to our room and told him he had to stay until he calmed down and apologized. I asked him why he kept shutting the door when I asked him not to. “Because I need to shut that door.” I explained that Zevan was watching it, but he kept insisting that he needed to shut it, and kept trying to get out of the room to go do it. Finally I gave up on reasoning and just said that he had to calm down before he could go back downstairs. Then I waited. I did some exercises, cleaned the room a bit. He just RAGED. “I’m going to take this room apart.” “I WILL get out of here.” He kept trying to hit and kick me. I kept putting him in the chair or on the bed. I almost lost my temper, so I just locked him in the room and went downstairs to get space and calm down. You could hear him kicking the door. I sent Doug up. He kicked Doug. Doug lost his temper. I went back up. It was EXHAUSTING and FRUSTRATING. I wasn’t yelling at him, but I wanted to. I tried to talk with him and he was rude and defiant. He wouldn’t listen to anything I said. All I could think was, “This is NOT my child.”

At one point, Doug and I were out in the hall, looking at each other helplessly.

He tried fake coughing and then saying he had to go downstairs and get water. We brought it up to him.

We were checking out the next morning and some folks were leaving early. I told Zander that some of his friends were leaving in the morning, and if he kept acting this way, he would not be able to go downstairs tonight and say good bye to them. And they would be gone when he woke up. This prompted a similar reaction to taking his Thinking Chair back to Santa. Even then it took at least 20 minutes for him calm down enough and to apologize so he could go downstairs.

That night when I put him to bed, I told him that I loved him, even when he was having a tantrum, but it makes me said and frustrated when he acts that way.

I asked him why he got so mad. He said that he was frustrated because he really needed to close the doors to the TV.

I asked him if he liked having tantrums. He said no.

I told him later that if he keeps having this kinds of tantrums that I would have to take him to the doctor to find out what is wrong with him. He said, “I don’t want you to do that mom”

After he and Zevan were settled in the bed, I was laying next to them, and started crying. I was just so spent. Zander asked, “Why are you crying mom?”

“I’m crying because your tantrum hurt my feelings and made me really sad.”

“Stop crying, mom. Don’t cry”

“I will Zander, I’m just tired and I need a minute.”

I think if he has another tantrum like this I might curl up in the fetal position and cry. I feel like a FAILURE as a mom. I thought we were making progress and this weekend’s tantrums have set me WAY back. I’m just wracked with guilt and frustration.

I’m not the suicidal type, but I am seriously wishing for a fully-recoverable coma for a few days just to not have to think about parenting for a few days.

If this is a snapshot of his teen years, boarding school is no longer just an option, it will be a necessity.

I'm back! 

Had a great visit with my family (if you don't count not one but TWO massive tantrums from Zander – one at my house and one in the house in Dillon – more about this in another post).  My parents are again considering moving to Colorado Springs, so I'm going to focus on making that happen ASAP.

So, after not logging my food in Balance Log, the Superbowl  , getting my period on Friday  AND a weekend in the mountains with my parents cooking  , I got on the scale this morning…
 
And… 

I did not gain any weight!     WOO HOO    

I think my key was that I exercised every day.  I missed my morning workout on Friday, but we went to the Denver Aquarium which is a lot of walking  .  I worked out Saturday  before we headed to the mountains.  I brought my Tae Bo DVD with me and worked out in Dillon on Sunday and Monday mornings.  On Sunday we took the boys sledding at the sled hill in Breckenridge.  It's hard work trudging the sled up the hill, especially with a 25 or 35 lb boy in it.

I also made sure I was one of the last to eat, so that there was less chance of me overeating since there were hungry snowboarders eating before me.  I watched my portions at breakfast and lunch, and it seemed that I didn't have a lot of time for snacks.

I'm easing myself back into my food logging.  And continuing my workouts. 

I have found a combination of supplements that is working really well for me.  1 oz of NutraEarth every morning along with a Chocamaca treat.  Another Chocamaca in the afternoon.  If I'm feeling ESPECIALLY tired, I'll take another 1 oz of NutraEarth in the afternoon.

So I'm getting back on track for my 1/2 pound per week weight loss.  I have 4 1/2 lbs to get to my first goal weight.

SIDENOTE: I just found out that the client I am getting NutraEarth from is not going to sell it anymore   So I'm going to have to buy a 6 pack at a time to save $10 per bottle.

LONG UPDATE: While the war on tantrums rages on, we are making some overall progress on specific battles.

Zander is definitely still pushing limits ("I don't WANT to!" and "No, I WON'T")  , and I am finding better ways to handle it. 

We are trying to talk more about what he is actually angry about.
"What are you mad about?"

I am trying to involve him in coming up with a solution (within reason). 
"What do you think could make this easier for you?" 

Threatening to take away his TV show that day is very effective. 
"If you continue to act this way, then you will not get to watch your show later.  Zevan will watch a show and you will have to stay in your room and not watch it."

Rewarding him with some computer time is also effective.
"If you <insert desired behavior here>, you can play your computer game for 15 minutes."

If he throws something, it gets put away until THE NEXT DAY. 
The first night of this, he tested me.  He ended up losing all of his dinosaurs and his superheros to play with until morning.  After dinner, he came and apologized to me for throwing his dinosaurs.  After accepting his apology, he tested me again, "Now can I have my dinosaurs back?"  While I could have rewarded his heartfelt apology, I stuck to my guns and said, "I'm sorry but you can't have them until tomorrow."  He got upset, so I tried to direct him to other toys.  I did not give in.

Time out does work for us
I need the time out as much as he does.  Time for us to disengage and go back to our corners.

It works better if I can do it calmly: "I need you to sit here until you can be nice/stop crying/calm down."  The rule of thumb is one minute for each year of the child's age.  Three minutes is a LONG time in these situations.  If he comes out early saying, "I'm ready to be nice now;"  I still make him stay another 30 seconds to a minute so he can't just use that phrase to end his time out.

However, often this is used as the last method, when the battle is most heated.  Which often means a hissed, mean "You are going in time out You WILL sit here until you calm down.  Sometimes that means I shut the door and hold the knob as he screams at me and tries to get out. 

But the alternative, which DOES happen, is an in-your-face, holding his chin in my hand, growled declaration, "This behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.  I am tired of it.  I am angry at you." 

---

It is very EFFORTFUL to parent instead of simply react.  It takes a huge amount of energy for me to quell my desire to yell/scream/threaten menacingly.  Which I am successfully doing only 80% of the time.  It takes patience.  It takes time.  It takes thinking.  But it can be very rewarding.

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PROGRESS
One morning, I let Zander "clean" his snack table with a spray bottle filled with water and a rag – he loves spraying water.  After "cleaning" he and Zevan made a HUGE mess with their midmorning snack, getting sunflower seeds and cereal EVERYWHERE.  I got really annoyed.

Zander asked, "Are you smiling, mom?"
"No, Zander, I'm not.  I'm a little frustrated that after cleaning your snack table you guys made a big mess."
He grinned and started singing, "I like to move it, move it!  I like to move it, move it!"
When he finished, he asked, "NOW are you smiling, mom?"

Of course I was.  They got big hugs and we cleaned up the mess.

Yesterday was a crazy food fest.  I ate so much chili and key lime pie it was  GLUTTONOUS   It was so good – yum yum!

TRUE CONFESSION: I had a small piece of that key lime pie FOR BREAKFAST this morning

Damn you Megan and Jen!     Of course, you didn't force it down my throat, but dammit, it was there… calling me…   

About 10 minutes later, I felt SICK.   I seriously almost tossed my cookies, rather, my PIE.

My superbowl binge is now officially over.  The fat lady has sung her aria. 

Back on track now for sure.  At least until my family arrives and tempts me with all sorts of good Filipino food.   

I *just* started TiVo'ing All Star Workouts on FiTV.  Yesterday was an aerobic workout on an exercise ball.  I did the whole workout, but it really wasn't my think.  Partly due to the instructor who was just a little too perky for me – it was a guy, too.

Today was great.  Afro Latin dance mix.  It was difficult at first, but by the end I was able to do the whole routine     Good for me!  Man, I need to take some dance.  I used to be really good at dancing.  Now, it seems, not so much.   

In the coming weeks, there is belly dance, house dance, kick box and a whole bunch of other workouts to try.  It's good to have a variety to keep me from getting bored.  Because that's a big problem with me sticking to working out. I get bored if I don't LOVE it. 

 

Okay, I'm back on the bandwagon… Who's with me?

Let's go girls!  Eat smart!   Get off your ass!

Okay, it's definitely the fasting that was the initial trigger of my headaches.  During my modified fast, I had a wicked headache that day and the next day.

I want the weather to be warmer so I can run outside.  I just can't run on the treadmill – it's BORING and I dread every step.  I need to do at least once or twice a week of running if I'm going to run that 5K in March.

The modified fast put me back on track for the week.  I've changed my weigh in day to Saturday morning.  Monday is too hectic for me to work out and weigh myself before going to Doug's parents house for breakfast. 

I'm down another 0.4 lbs since Monday.

I may make the modified fast a weekly thing until I get to my goal.  I'm only 4 1/2 pounds away now. 

I'm happy with the progress I've made with my upper body (thank you climbing) and legs (thank you Tae Bo and Pilates) but I'm just wondering what to do about my poochy tummy.  I know it's unrealistic to expect a flat tummy after having two kids,what with all that "redundant skin"    But I was hoping for a little improvement in that area.

I started wearing one of those fitness/sauna/solar waist belts when I exercise.  It is supposed to help me shape my middle by basically holding me in and trapping the heat.  I'll let you know if I think its making a difference. 

Oh, and I plan on totally blowing my calories tomorrow for Superbowl Sunday    Doug is making guacamole and I'm making beef chili.  And margaritas.    Also my family is coming to Colorado on Thursday and will be here 6 days.  I am here to say that I won't have the willpower to stay on track, so I"m going dark on BalanceLog while they are here.  I'll deal with the consequences after they leave.  I WILL stay on track with exercise, so I hope it won't be too bad.

Ugh.  I completely fell off the wagon yesterday with emotional eating from struggling with Zander.  I am SO not happy with the way he has been behaving lately.    I'm also not happy that I am making a huge effort to parent and nothing seems to get through to him.  I am so frustrated.  That's a whole other thread.

So, I'm modified fasting today until 6:00 PM.  So far today I've had one Chocamaca nutritional supplement (30 calories) and 3 oz of baby carrots (35 calories).  I'll do a protein shake soon.  I plan on eating a normal dinner – I'm making pepper steak tonight   

I haven't had the headaches in a few days, and I don't think I have had more water than usual, so who knows?!    I'm not taking chances today, so I will have a diet coke so I don't get a caffeine withdrawal headache.