Earlier today, the scariest thing happened.

I had just changed Zevan’s diaper and clothes, and I picked up Zander to change him. Zevan had crawled under me, while I was walking over to the changing table with Zander, and I kind of bonked him while he was under me. He started crying, so I picked him up to comfort him. After he calmed down, I put him back down to change Zander. He got upset, of course, and did that kind of silent cry that babies do, gearing up for the great big cry/yell. He did his kind of tantrum thing where he puts his face on the ground. And I waited for the scream.

That didn’t come.

He pushed himself around on the floor, and then flipped over. He was blue. I dropped down and picked him up, and he wasn’t breathing. I yelled for Doug. I was desperately calling Zevan’s name. He kind of opened his eyes at me for a second, and then it was like he passed out. Everything after this point is a blur to me now.

I put him over my shoulder and rubbed his back for a few seconds, then looked at him again, for something. I yelled for Doug again. He came running up the stairs. When he saw us on the floor, he frantically asked what happened. While I was telling him, he took Zevan in his arms, and called his name. Zevan opened his eyes again, and finally cried. Hard. I started sobbing along with him, in relief. Doug gave him back to me, and ran down to get Zevan a glass of water. I held Zevan close to me, never so glad to hear him crying.

He wouldn’t drink the water, he was crying so hard, so I sat down to nurse him. Looking back, the whole episode only lasted about 2-3 minutes, but it seemed like forever at the time.

Doug and I talked about what to do while he finished changing Zander. Should we take him to the hospital? He seemed fine now. I have heard from other moms about babies who would get so mad they would hold their breath and pass out. I said that I would watch him over the next hour to see if he seemed like something was still wrong.

Zander, bless his heart, was wonderful through the whole thing. He was mid-diaper change (a messy one at that) on the changing table. When Doug finished changing him, he was his chatty self, and talked about Zevan and called him his “blueberry brother” and said “Zevan was blue, and I can turn green.”

I told Doug to go on with Zander (they were headed out to run errands, while Zevan and I were going to go for a walk), and I would let him know if I needed anything.

Zevan nursed for a short time, and fell asleep. And I just held him, watching him breathe. I called Candy to check on her and Misha. I told her what happened, which, looking back now, was probably not a very appropriate thing to do, but she’s my best friend, and I tell her everything.

We talked for a while about how fast babies grow up and how we need to enjoy it while we can. The whole time, I held Zevan and watched him breathe (softly and normally, not labored) and watched his color (pink and healthy).

While I was finishing up my call with Candy, Doug called. I called him back and he was calling to check on Zevan to see if he and Zander should come home. I told him that Zevan was doing fine, and he could finish up his errands.

I decided to go on that walk with Zevan. I figured the fresh air would do us both some good.

It did. We walked for 30 minutes along Mesa Road with Zevan in the Snugli. Which, I won’t use again – that thing is no where near as comfortable as the Bjorn. I was originally (before the blueberry brother incident) going to take him in the stroller, but now I just wanted to keep holding him close, just like when he was a young infant.

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April 11th, 2005 at 4:39 pm
Follow up:
After some research, it looks like Zevan had what is called a ?Breath Holding Spell? or ?Breath Holding Attack?

From WebMD:
http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/hw31829.asp
http://my.webmd.com/content/article/30/1728_72059

Breath-holding spells, despite the name, actually are an involuntary reaction brought on by crying or emotional upset. The child?s skin becomes pale or bluish due to a lack of oxygen, and in many but not all cases the child may faint or lose consciousness.

Something to bring up at his one year well check-up!